Congratulations to Chocolate Fudge Pretzel for winning Nestle Toll House’s 2017 “Cookie of the Year!”

Nestle Toll House Chocolate Fudge Pretzel

For at least the third year in a row, Nestle Toll House is saying “to Hell with voting” and awarding a brand-new cookie the prestigious title of “Cookie of the Year,” halfway through the year. Previous COTY honors have gone to Salted Caramel and Butterfinger Baking Bits.

This award might mean nothing to you but to someone like me? It’s the equivalent of winning The Nobel Peace Prize, TIME’s Person of the Year, or a Nickelodeon Kid’s Choice Award.

In theory, these cookies are already better than perfect. I already gave Pillsbury Cinnabon Cookies a 10 out of 10 this year, a score I determined with my taste buds instead of just printing it on the package. It’s a bold move by Nestle to proclaim these as THE premiere cookie experience of 2017, but you have to admire their bravado.

The raw cookie dough does leave me with some questions though:

• Are the pretzels bits stale?
• Will they crisp up in the oven?
• Who did these cookies f*ck to win “Cookie of the Year”?

The package shouts several times, DO NOT CONSUME RAW COOKIE DOUGH, so I ate some.

The cookie dough is deliciously fudgy like a bomb brownie, and the pretzels are not stale nor are they super crisp.

Once baked, the brownie comparison holds especially true. These cookies are chocolatey to the extreme. They have a deep cocoa base with melty milk chocolate morsels to satisfy all your chocolate cravings. They’re incredibly soft and chewy so long as you don’t overbake them; very much like a brownie with slightly crisp edges. And while the taste is very brownie-like, they still manage to feel like cookies.

The pretzel sprinkles do indeed crisp in the oven, adding some texture which I desire dearly in my cookies. Think of them like large salty crystals placed to enhance the chocolate flavor further. The doughy flavor of pretzel is only slight, but the presence of pretzels effectively transform these cookies from “chocolate” to “salted chocolate.” This brings some class and elegance to an award last won by dumping Butterfinger candy onto a sugar cookie.

I still don’t know who these cookies f*cked to get Cookie of the Year honors, but they’re certainly worthy of your money. Tiny pools of caramel or peanut butter chips could make these the Cookie of the Decade.

Somebody get on that…

Number of People Who Will Get On That Rating: 0 out of 10
Ignoring Raw Cookie Dough Warnings Rating: 10 out of 10
Overall Rating: 8.5 out of 10

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