Do you think cereal flavors have gotten out of control?
Well, suck on this!
General Mills Jolly Rancher Cereal
Welp we’ve finally done it… we’ve run out of things to turn into cereal. We’ve turned everything we like to eat into cereal already, so now we have to turn to things we don’t even want to eat.
Think of the last time you wanted a Jolly Rancher. Was it when you were seven and before you knew what dental insurance was? Did your elementary school teacher give you way too many Jolly Ranchers whenever you weren’t being a dipshit and now you think of SCHOOL whenever you see one? It got to the point where I was so sick of Jolly Ranchers that I actively tried to avoid good behavior to avoid getting more Jolly Ranchers.
I know I’m showing some bias here, but there are so many things I rather eat than crunchy, fruity glass. But let’s try them in milk anyway!
We’ll get there, but first we have to try them dry. And before we even get to do that, I can tell you that nothing has ever smelt more like Jolly Ranchers in all my life. I don’t like it, but I am impressed.
The cereal has four terrifically unnatural colors. All of them taste like the green apple Jolly Rancher. Like, an alarming amount like them. I truly was not expecting this level of authenticity. I expected Trix.
Every piece has a crunchy, glossy texture that works incredibly well for a Jolly Ranchers cereal too. It tastes intensely of Jolly Ranchers and then finishes with your typical corn cereal flavor.
The problem is, I still don’t want to eat it. You can implement a bad idea effectively and it is still a bad idea.
Jolly Ranchers cereal “suffers” in milk more than most cereals; a great percentage of that distinctive Jolly Ranchers flavor washes away quickly. I put “suffers” in quotes because in my case, it makes the cereal more palatable and a little less of a freakshow.
I’ll give credit to Jolly Ranchers Cereal for a) not being as offensive as I feared and b) being truly different than the rest, but I will never buy it again just like I haven’t the Sour Patch Kids cereal. It gimmicks too hard for me.
Whatever psychos are out there sucking on Jolly Ranchers to get through their days might enjoy this cereal; it’s an A+ interpretation of Jolly Ranchers in cereal form. But for the masses? This is just not what breakfast should taste like.
Burning Questions:
- Is this cereal a sign that we’ve gone too far and, left to our own devices, we will eventually destroy ourselves? Yes.
- What do you have against teachers that give out Jolly Ranchers? It seems cruel.
- What should they give out instead? McNuggets.
Place of Purchase: Walmart
Rating: 4.5 out of 10
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