The year is 1996. You’re the biggest bully in town – a real jackass. Junk Male is but 10 years old. For all intents and purposes, he is the fattest kid on the planet. You’re looking to steal some lunch money because that’s what bullies do. “Surely, that fat kid over there eats a whole lot of lunch,” you think to yourself. “He must have all sorts of money.”

Imagine by some act of God you garner the physical strength to lift Junk Male up above your head and upside down so all of his lunch money falls out of his pockets. But along with this lunch money, some other things spill to the ground. The pile of things on the ground would look a little something like this:

Hostess Brownies made with M&M’s (Top); Hostess Brownies made with Milky Way (Bottom)

Introducing Hostess Brownies made with M&M’s and Hostess Brownies made with Milky Way. Fat kids like me stuff their pockets with candy bars and brownies all the time, and these two brownies are this fat boy’s idea of Heaven.

Now, I’ve gone on record saying that Little Debbie is my brownie producer of choice. I’m unfamiliar with the Hostess Brownie, but Good God. I can’t even contain my excitement for these majestic beasts for one more sentence, so let’s jump right into the review before I blackout and finish both boxes.

Hostess Brownies made with M&M’s

First up are Hostess Brownies made with M&M’s. Each box contains six individually wrapped brownies that are studded with milk chocolate M&M’s. I know this is a simple formula, but we’re talking about one of my favorite candies ever used as a brownie topping instead of generic sprinkles or nuts or zebra chunks or whatever. Hostess Brownies made with M&M’s have a stiff sheet of chocolate frosting on top, with the M&M’s blended into the frosting and mixed throughout the brownie as well.

The brownie itself – tasty but behind Little Debbies’ version. They’re softer and fluffier than the dense LD’s version, and the bitterness of the cocoa is more noticeable. However, they’re a bit dry. The frosting doesn’t add anything unique except for another playful texture to mess around with.

The M&M’s, thankfully, are plentiful. They add a satisfying crunch and the classic, creamy milk chocolate candy retains all the qualities you’ve come to expect from the candy. These little morsels of sweetness heighten the chocolate flavor and, because they’re working on a slightly more bitter backdrop, never become overpowering in their sweetness. The M&M’s have a more distinct flavor than the rainbow chip topping in Little Debbie’s Cosmic Brownies. However, the brownie isn’t quite as good.

Solid, not special, and definitely not innovative.

Fat Kid Tested, Fat Kid Approved Rating: 9 out of 10
Odds Anyone Could Have Picked Up Obese Junk Male Rating: 0.5 out of 10
Overall Rating: 7 out of 10

Hostess Brownies made with Milky Way

Hostess Brownies made with Milky Way are marginally more complex, if only because the Milky Way candy bar introduces a caramel element instead of just more chocolate. These brownies don’t look quite like the image on the front of the package. The package gives the impression these are iced with a fine caramel, but the actual frosting is more like a chocolate one with a tinge of caramel color. The brownies have chunks of Milky Way haphazardly applied on top.

One bite in and I had one glaring thought – I miss the M&M’s. That’s because Hostess Brownies made with Milky Way lack the much-needed crunch factor. The brownie’s texture is a layer of chewy candy upon a chewy base. What I love most about a Milky Way is that satisfying snap of the hardened milk chocolate, moments before unleashing the gooey caramel inside. These brownies completely miss that sensation.

Truth be told, the flavor of the caramel is almost lost entirely behind the sweet chocolate and bitter cocoa. Knowing the caramel is there helps pick up on it ever-so-slightly. But with my fat eyes closed expecting pure bliss, I wouldn’t have been able to tell the featured candy bar was the Milky Way if you didn’t tell me.

Fat Kid Tested, Fat Kid Disappointed Rating: 7 out of 10
How Many Milky Ways I Used to Eat During Gym Class Rating: 3 out of 10
Overall Rating: 5 out of 10

Pornography for fat kid’s everywhere, the fun factor on Hostess Brownies made with M&M’s and Hostess Brownies made with Milky Way is through the roof. However, the execution needs work especially on the Milky Way version.

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