Did you know that there were rumors that Kellogg’s Corn Flakes were created to discourage America to stop masturbating?
While these rumors aren’t directly true (Mr. Kellogg was a strict proponent of abstinence from all sexual activity and did encourage a bland diet as one means to discourage masturbatory urges), Kellogg’s now has some flakes that could have the opposite effect…
Introducing some new Frosted Flakes that, depending on how excited you get about food, might encourage you to masturbate!
Cinnamon French Toast Frosted Flakes & Strawberry Milkshake Frosted Flakes
For the love of God get ahold of yourself!
Say hello to Kellogg’s Cinnamon French Toast Frosted Flakes and Kellogg’s Strawberry Milkshake Frosted Flakes! Acknowledging fully that plain corn sucks and masturbating rules, the new Frosted Flakes are doused in sugary goodness with brand new, exciting flavors. Get those napkins ready!! (For the milk, you pervert.)
Kellogg’s Chocolate Frosted Flakes are now “better than ever” too, but nobody’s masturbating over that.
This review is part of a series. Today’s Frosted Flakes review is:
Kellogg’s Cinnamon French Toast Frosted Flakes
According to Kellogg’s, Cinnamon French Toast Frosted Flakes are the perfect combination of caramelized brown sugar and maple syrup flavor and warm cinnamon spice on golden toasted corn flakes.
Did Kellogg’s discontinue Cinnamon Frosted Flakes Cinnamon Frosted Flakes?
You know what, who cares…
Because Kellogg’s Cinnamon French Toast Frosted Flakes are phenomenal!
The obvious comparison whenever a cereal has the word “cinnamon” affixed to it is Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Start by lowering the cinnamon, but imagine it being even sweeter. Then, where this really shines, is the additional depth of flavor to drive it into French Toast City. It has some subtle notes of vanilla and a touch of maple-y goodness that really makes me think of French toast. Perhaps even more so than French Toast Crunch…
Imagine a mashup of Cinnamon Frosted Flakes and French Toast Crunch, where the sum is even greater than the parts.
Burning Questions:
- Cereal makes you masturbate?! No wonder I can’t st — No, it’s not the cereal.
- What’s so bad about masturb — Nothing, keep on keepin’ on.
- Thanks, I have to go. Have fun!
Place of Purchase: Sent to me by Kellogg’s (Thanks guys! I bet you’re not thrilled with the tone of this article!)
Rating: 9 out of 10
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