Follow your nose to the cereal aisle.

Follow it right to the Froot Loops, but for the first time in history, ignore your natural instincts. Keep going.

Now follow it to the Pop Tarts…

Warmer… warmerrrrr…

HOLY SHIT.

Kellogg’s Froot Loops Pop Tarts

Now follow your nose back to your toaster oven right quick and get ready to eat some limited edition KELLOGG’S FROOT LOOP POP TARTS.

What a smart mash-up! Instead of tackling another combo nobody asked for like Orange Crush Pop Tarts or flavors that don’t make sense like A&W Root Beer Pop Tarts, Kellogg’s took two of their existing breakfast brands and fit them together like two pieces of a puzzle where the final image is an obese, middle-aged man blogging about food in his basement.

I’m so excited for these!

I mean think about it… there have been so many berry-flavored Pop Tarts through the years, but everyone knows one of the best berries in all the land is the Froot Loop. And it’s certainly the shrewdest cereal choice in the Kellogg’s portfolio, as Rice Krispie Pop Tarts sound lame, Kellogg’s Krave Pop Tarts sound like regular Pop Tarts, and Kellogg’s Raisin Brand Pop Tarts sound like I have to poop.

What they don’t tell you enthusiastically is that Kellogg’s Froot Loops Pop Tarts are of the “Printed Fun” variety. Six different designs are assigned randomly to the Tarts. I opened ALL SIXTEEN of my Pop Tarts in my gigantic, “Fat People” value pack searching for the two obvious ones to feature in my photography (one a portrait of Toucan Sam and the other just a bunch of cascading Froot Loops), but I only had four of the prints! A spoon full of Froot Loops, a pair of Froot Loops sunglasses, one that just says “I’m with Sam”, and an adorable Froot Loops bow tie (the only one worth a damn).

I tried them straight from the package and I ask this genuinely: is it possible for something to taste too much like something else? Make no mistake, they nailed it. These taste exactly like the cereal: mostly artificial lemon with some other nondescript berry notes. It is just really intense for a pastry. Whereas the cereal in milk is light and refreshing, this is rather heavy.

Toasting them is interesting because it transforms the flavor more than most Pop Tarts. Instead of being unmistakably Froot Loops, the filling tastes more like a candied mystery fruit. It should be noted that the ingredient list doesn’t call out any actual fruit or fruit juice concentrates by name (most fruity Pop Tarts do). The flavor of the pasty improves, as it always does when toasted.

Did you know there’s a contingent of people who prefer frozen Pop Tarts above all other methods? I thought this was such a niche preference, but it’s gotten to the point where the package actually gives instructions on how to eat frozen Pop Tarts (you freeze ’em, then eat em). I bring this up because I recommend the Froot Loops Pop Tarts frozen, and I rarely think this to best way to go. It makes sense here as cereal is best enjoyed with ice cold milk.

Froot Loops Pop Tarts are another showcase that Kellogg’s can pull off any flavor they envision with incredibly accuracy. However, that just doesn’t translate to one of my favorite pastries in the line. Surely you might feel differently if you’re a Froot Loop freak.

Burning Questions:

1. Define “Froot Loop freak.” Someone who loves Froot Loops.
2. Does that really make you a freak? Someone who REALLY loves Froot Loops.
3. What does that mean? Someone who puts Froot Loops in their butthole.

Place of Purchase: Walmart

Rating: 7 out of 10

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