Did you know that there were rumors that Kellogg’s Corn Flakes were created to discourage America to stop masturbating?
While these rumors aren’t directly true (Mr. Kellogg was a strict proponent of abstinence from all sexual activity and did encourage a bland diet as one means to discourage masturbatory urges), Kellogg’s now has some flakes that could have the opposite effect…
Introducing some new Frosted Flakes that, depending on how excited you get about food, might encourage you to masturbate!
Cinnamon French Toast Frosted Flakes & Strawberry Milkshake Frosted Flakes
For the love of God get ahold of yourself!
Say hello to Kellogg’s Cinnamon French Toast Frosted Flakes and Kellogg’s Strawberry Milkshake Frosted Flakes! Acknowledging fully that plain corn sucks and masturbating rules, the new Frosted Flakes are doused in sugary goodness with brand new, exciting flavors. Get those napkins ready!! (For the milk, you pervert.)
Kellogg’s Chocolate Frosted Flakes are now “better than ever” too, but nobody’s masturbating over that.
This review is part of a series. Today’s Frosted Flakes review is:
Kellogg’s Strawberry Milkshake Frosted Flakes
According to Kellogg’s, Strawberry Milkshake Frosted Flakes have a ripe, juicy strawberry flavor coupled with rich, creamy notes that turns the milk in your bowl a fun, vibrant pink!
As far as strawberry-flavored cereals go, this is definitely one of the most strongly-flavored I’ve ever had. It’s also one of the most artificial, but thankfully it’s that gooood kind of artificial. Super sweet, Strawberry-Nesquiky… just about everything you’d want in a breakfast cereal.
Together with that signature “frosted” flavor, I suppose it does taste a little more “milkshake” than some other strawberry cereals. But nothing crazy.
But you know what does help it taste more like a milkshake? Milk!
I really feel that Kellogg’s Strawberry Milkshake Frosted Flakes is one of those cereals that’s actually elevated in milk. Some cereals will have their flavor wash away, but I didn’t find that to be the case here. And I thought that the creamy notes and dairy element really made that strawberry flavor cereal play up towards “strawberry milkshake.” This probably won’t be as true if you use a non-dairy alternative (especially one that isn’t particularly creamy), so choose your milk wisely.
When they say it turns the milk a “fun, vibrant pink”, they are somehow both underselling it and telling a lie at the same time. It’s basically Pepto Bismol, which in my experience, isn’t fun at all.
In summary, Kellogg’s Strawberry Milkshake Frosted Flakes are delicious and may lead you to some unsavory places on the Internet.
Burning Questions:
- Cereal makes you masturbate?! No wonder I can’t sto — No, it’s not the cereal.
- What’s so bad about masturb — Nothing, keep on keepin’ on.
- Thanks, I have to go. Have fun!
Place of Purchase: Sent to me by Kellogg’s (Thanks guys! I bet you’re not thrilled with the tone of this article!)
Rating: 8 out of 10
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