What do you get when you combine the world’s best-selling cookie with an international powerhouse in chocolatiering?

An oversized weight-gain supplement that retails for $3.98 at Walmart. The drug’s name?

The Milka Oreo Big Crunch Bar.

Oh, my stars and garters. The Milka Oreo Big Crunch Bar combines two of Mondelez International’s most popular brands: Milka chocolate and Oreo cookies.

For the unfamiliar, Milka is an extremely popular chocolate brand across the globe. Its biggest markets are Germany, France, Austria, and Poland, but they sell in over 40 countries including the United States. Their chocolate, made with Alpine milk, is held in high regard amongst candy lovers everywhere. Alpine milk is milk made by this fella:

Milka Oreo Big Crunch Bars debut stateside in limited quantities this week at select stores such as Walmart, Kroger, Shop Rite, and Albertsons. By January 2017, the candy bars will receive large distribution nationwide. There will also be three different sizes of Milka Oreo Chocolate Candy Bars and a Milka Oreo Snack Mix bag, so you can continue your quest to look like Alpine cow at whatever pace you choose.

The Milka Oreo Big Crunch is a layered candy bar with Oreo cookie wafers sandwiched between two layers of Oreo creme, all coated in European chocolate made by Milka. This bar is a 10.5 ounce bohemeth that’s meant for sharing (LOL). It breaks apart nicely and comes in easy-to-seal packaging so you can stash some away and save it for later (LOLLL).

If you’ve never had Milka before, you’re in for a real treat. The milk chocolate melts effortlessly once you begin to chew, and the sweetness is neither overbearing nor artificial. This is high quality chocolate that satisfies with nothing to complain about.

Perhaps the most flavorful component of the Milka Oreo Big Crunch Bar are the layers of Oreo creme filling. This creme is softer and more whipped than the traditional Oreo creme; it’s like an Oreo ganache or truffle. The cream captures the essence of the Oreo cookie with its signature vanilla flavor. Having your teeth go from the crispy milk chocolate shell to the pillowy creme to the crunchy Oreo cookie wafer in rapid succession is a fantastic sensation that Alpine cows everywhere must experience for themselves.

The thickness of the cookie inside the Milka Oreo Big Crunch Bar is just right. It imparts some bitter cocoa flavor to avoid an overreliance on sweet components while earning the candy rights to the Oreo namesake. The result is a marriage between candy and cookie that you’ll want to attend. I heard it’s open bar too.

International readers, of which we have zero, are probably asking themselves: Is the Milka Oreo Big Crunch Bar better or worse than the Cadbury version sold abroad? The latter is called the Cadbury Dairy Milk Big Taste Oreo Crunch Bar. And because I’m adept at tracking down anything with Oreo printed on the label, I tried it not long ago.

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 And the final verdict? Pick your poison, honestly. They’re both delicious and there’s little difference to speak of. Or just get both and eat them side-by-side until you don’t know what’s what anymore.

#ThisIsWhyImFat.

Alpine Cows Rating: 8 out of 10
Open Bar Weddings Rating: 10 out of 10
Overall Rating: 9 out of 10

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