*Updated March 2019 with new Halo Top Strawberry Cheesecake!

ATTN: Half-naked women of social media!

Hi there! You probably stumbled upon this article whilst on an elliptical operating in a legendary caloric deficit. You desperately want some sweets in your life, but you’re trying hard to look someone else’s definition of “good” in that bikini competition you’re prepping for. Halo Top has you covered!

Note: If you’re a guy reading this, I promise I won’t tell anyone. 

Halo Top Ice Cream is low-calorie, high-protein, and low-sugar. It uses all-natural ingredients and presumably some kind of sorcery to taste just like real ice cream, according to every fit chick with 50K followers on Instagram.

Well, I brush my teeth with real ice cream, so who better to review and rank each flavor than a fat guy like me?

Halo Top varieties range from 240 to 360 calories PER PINT, after subtracting calories from fiber and sugar alcohol because apparently you can do that. That means you can (and should) eat 4 pints of Halo Top in one sitting instead of an entire pint of Ben & Jerry’s, which you were gonna do anyway (and still probably will).

Let’s get right to it… you’re starving.

1) Candy Bar

Welp, congrats. You lasted all of 10 seconds before you broke and bought a candy bar. Not a good sign, but at least you picked the best flavor.

Candy Bar Halo Top is going to remind you of Snickers the moment it lands on your tongue. The base satisfies on its own with a light chocolate and almost nougat-like flavor setting the foundation, and then the plentiful honey roasted peanuts and swirls of caramel & chocolate finish the job and give this one the crown. A wise man once pondered: “Hungry? Why Wait?”

Your response: “YES MOTHER F*CKER I’M STARVING I WAS ON PREP FOR 10 SECONDS.”

Grab the Candy Bar Halo Top. You’re not you when you’re hungry.

1/2 Cup: 90 calories, 6g Protein, 16g Carbs, 3.5g Fat, 7g sugar & 5g sugar alcohol. 

2) Gingerbread House (Seasonal)

Isn’t it cruel how the best things in life disappear faster than the walls of a gingerbread house before you even construct the damn thing?

Halo Top Gingerbread House is a limited-time offering available only during the holiday season, but at least it’ll help you avoid eating a 3,000 calorie cookie house. It has a magnificent, wintry blend of warm spice and sweet sugar coming from real ginger cookies, a vanilla icing swirl, and a brown sugar base.

With 20g of protein per pint and no assembly required, the only house you’ll be building tonight is the one in the mirror. ??

Nutrition for 1/2 Cup: 90 calories, 5g Protein, 17g Carbs, 3.5g Fat, 7g sugar & 6g sugar alcohol. 

3) Peanut Butter & Jelly

Why are all the best things in life seasonal?

Debuting in August 2018 and available for a very short time frame, Peanut Butter & Jelly Halo Top is one of the best offerings the company ever produced. A sweet & salty peanut butter base set the stage nicely and paired naturally with a jammy strawberry swirl. The only disappointment is that it’s SUPPOSED to have cannoli shell pieces, but they’re basically nowhere to be seen. Doesn’t change the fact that this should be in the regular lineup.

Now would be a great time to start bulking so you can trample all the other idiots hunting down this flavor if Halo Top ever brings it back.

Editor’s Note: We did it! Peanut Butter & Jelly is now in the regular line-up. ??

1/2 Cup: 90 calories, 5g Protein, 16g Carbs, 3.5g Fat, 7g sugar & 4g sugar alcohol. 

4) Red Velvet

Are you surprised that the best flavors happen to be the ones with the most calories?

Low-calorie or not, Red Velvet Halo Top is an excellent red velvet interpretation. The flavor here is a delicate balance of cocoa and vanilla that favors the former, just as red velvet should. The key here is that it’s not just chocolate – that’s the modern-day cop-out for red velvet. This is creamier than most other flavors (probably because it’s one of the fattest), and it has the most indulgent mix-in of all: brownie dough!

Forget about Bikini Season, ladies… it’s Brownie Dough Season now.

1/2 Cup: 90 calories, 6g Protein, 14g Carbs, 3g Fat, 7g sugar & 4g sugar alcohol. 

5) Pumpkin Pie (Seasonal)

Basic fit bitches, work those pumpkin spice muscles with Halo Top’s first ever seasonal flavor.

Available in the fall, Pumpkin Pie Halo Top has a natural pumpkin base with real pumpkin, cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger, and cloves. It’s creamy and delicious, and there’s pieces of pie crust throughout (small as they may be). If you have pumpkin spice wet dreams like me, it just may become your new favorite Halo Top. An appreciation for pure pumpkin is a prerequisite because this flavor is strong. 

Disregard if you hate pumpkin pie, and best of luck with your broken taste buds.

1/2 Cup: 90 calories, 5g Protein, 18g Carbs, 3g Fat, 7g sugar & 5g sugar alcohol. 

6) Oatmeal Cookie

Oatmeal cookies never get the love they deserve, but I do kinda wanna make love to Oatmeal Cookie Halo Top.

The base has a sinfully sweet cinnamon flavor. Really, it does! While there aren’t real cookie bits in here, there’s plenty of rolled oats to bring the oatmeal flavor together. It reminds me a little of brown sugar oatmeal but, most of all, it reminds me of a baked oatmeal cookie. Some raisins could have put this flavor in the top spot, but a single raisin could cost you first callouts in that bodybuilding competition you’ve been prepping for.

Just give up and eat a pizza like the rest of us, would ya?

1/2 Cup: 70 calories, 6g Protein, 12g Carbs, 2.5 Fat, 5g sugar & 4g sugar alcohol. 

7) Peanut Butter Cup

I enjoyed this one so much that I forgot to take a picture of the ice cream while enjoying it, so here’s the empty carton.

There are gigantic globs of peanut butter in the Peanut Butter Cup Halo Top, and you can never go wrong with gigantic globs of peanut butter. The PB is adequately salted and keeps this ice cream genuine to real-people food. The chocolate/PB ratio is about 50/50, but it’s still one of the most chocolatey flavors in the lineup. It’s not as sweet as a Reese’s cup, so you’ll have to stick to eating Reese’s in your dreams for now. Soon you’ll be able to enjoy them in Heaven when you’re finally dead.

When does this diet end, anyway?

1/2 Cup: 80 calories, 6g Protein, 12g Carbs, 3g Fat, 5g sugar & 4g sugar alcohol. 

8) Cinnamon Roll

Now now, I know you’re trying to avoid rolls like the plague on your diet, but this is one you want in your life.

The cinnamon in the base is moderate, but there’s also a light cinnamon & brown sugar swirl coupled with small, eggy cinnamon roll pieces to boost it. Additionally there’s both buttery and vanilla glaze components to give it complexity, and it’s one of the best textures in the entire lineup. Buy Cinnamon Roll Halo Top with confidence, but yeah… you’re definitely gonna put on some rolls with this one.

We like you better when you’re squishy, anyway.

1/2 Cup: 90 calories, 5g Protein, 19g Carbs, 3g Fat, 8g sugar & 6g sugar alcohol. 

9) Sea Salt Caramel

Flex those brain muscles of yours (LOL) and imagine yourself swimming in the small pools of buttery caramel present in the Sea Salt Caramel Halo Top.

This is one of the sweeter flavors in the line, so obviously that vaults it into the Top 10. It’s also impressively genuine under the circumstances. This base is more identifiable as “caramel” than many competitors’ versions – even Ben & Jerry’s. Remember Ben & Jerry? You used to be friends with them before you even knew what a thigh gap was. Your life hasn’t been the same since.

1/2 Cup: 80 calories, 6g Protein, 15g Carbs, 2g Fat, 7g sugar & 5g sugar alcohol. 

10) Peaches & Cream

Go ahead and cream yourself over Halo Top Peaches & Cream, because Lord knows you don’t have enough energy for sex these days.

This one really surprised me, because I wouldn’t even seek out a peach flavor by a full-fat brand. But Halo Top Peaches & Cream is by far their best fruity flavor, and manages to best even some of the more complex, decadent dessert ones.

With peach puree concentrate and (a few) peach pieces scattered throughout, this base is really vibrant, flavorful, and refreshing. The balance between authentic peach and the cream component is simply on point.

Enjoy this limited edition summer seasonal while it lasts.

1/2 Cup: 80 calories, 5g Protein, 16g Carbs, 2g Fat, 8g sugar & 5g sugar alcohol. 

11) Strawberry Cheesecake

One of my favorite ways to say “to Hell with my diet!” is to f*ck up an entire cheesecake, but Halo Top is offering a little bit of a compromise with its first cheesecake flavor.

The base is listed as a strawberry one, but you’ll notice right away that it doesn’t taste as fruity as the Strawberry Halo Top. It’s far from bad news, though, because I do taste an added tangy, cheesy component throughout the base that is pushing towards cheesecake without a complete stretch of the imagination

My pint was blessed with a good amount of mix-ins between graham swirl and cheesecake pieces, however the graham swirl definitely gets more play. It takes the form of little, crisp shards of a binded graham concoction. It is both cinnamon and graham heavy, and its added spice brings good contrast against the sweet, cheesy base.

The cheesecake pieces are small and infrequent, but they are more or less the real deal. I must say I craved more of them, while also fully recognizing that my ideal amount would create the first ever 1,000 calorie Halo Top.

If it doesn’t give me a six pack within 24 hours, I’m marching my tubby ass straight to The Cheesecake Factory.

1/2 Cup: 90 calories, 5g Protein, 17g Carbs, 3g Fat, 8g sugar & 5g sugar alcohol. 

12) S’mores

S’mores is everyone’s favorite summer flavor, but you’re not allowed to eat real food in the summer. That changes now.

S’mores Halo Top has an impressive amount of cinnamon graham crunch blended throughout the pint, ensuring graham isn’t an afterthought like in some s’mores ice creams. Mini chocolate chips give a burst of cocoa necessary for the s’mores experience. The base isn’t perfectly marshmallow, but it’s sweeter than their Vanilla Bean flavor and therefore marshmallow-y enough to fill in the gap between the graham crunch and chocolate chips.

My physique is marshmallow-y enough too, so you should probably trust me when I say that this is a solid s’mores ice cream.

1/2 Cup: 80 calories, 6g Protein, 14g Carbs, 2.5g Fat, 7g sugar & 4g sugar alcohol. 

13) Pancakes & Waffles

You know your intake is miserable when you’re craving both pancakes AND waffles at a single meal.

Thankfully, Pancakes & Waffles Halo Top will hold you over damn well with some  buttery maple goodness. The mix-in here is waffle cone, and it’s got to be the most abundant mix-in Halo has ever graced us with. They’ve lost much of their crunch but waffle cone is still a perfect pairing with ice cream. You might not remember that because you’ve been dieting, which is why you now want two separate 500 calorie breakfasts in the same pint. Savage.

A slight artificial aftertaste holds this back from a higher spot.

1/2 Cup: 70 calories, 5g Protein, 16g Carbs, 2g Fat, 7g sugar & 5g sugar alcohol. 

14) Caramel Macchiato

What’s the matter, your black coffee with nothing isn’t getting the job done? Thankfully Caramel Macchiato Halo Top has enough sugar to save the day, and enough sugar alcohols to make you fart a lot.

This coffee base is really excellent – a smooth, creamy coffee reminiscent of a Dunkin’ Frozen Coffee. Again the caramel is excellent, but the ribbon is thinner and less prominent that in Sea Salt Caramel – the main reason I’m ranking this behind it.

At least now you can avoid the trip to Starbucks and the four Cake Pops you were gonna sneak in the car.

1/2 Cup: 70 calories, 5g Protein, 16g Carbs, 2g Fat, 7g sugar & 5g sugar alcohol. 

15) Mint Chip

An extremely careful scrutiny of Halo Top ice creams might reveal a modest taste of protein concentrate in some of the flavors. But mint does a wonderful job masking these flaws, much like an Instagram filter does a good job masking yours.

Mint Halo Top has a mild but immensely soothing peppermint flavor. The chocolate is like a creamy white chocolate, and there are also little chocolate chips. There should be more, but that’s all you really want these days, isn’t it? A little chocolate? Dieting blows.

1/2 Cup: 60 calories, 6g Protein, 14g Carbs, 2g Fat, 4g sugar & 5g sugar alcohol. 

16) Lemon Cake

Yes, the same lemon in that 3-day juice cleanse you tried that only lasted 3 hours. But instead of cayenne pepper, this one is flavored like cake!

Lemon Cake Halo Top has a refreshing tartness paired with a silky & buttery base. If I really use my imagination to pinpoint it, I felt like I was eating pound cake covered in Fruity Pebbles at times. You’re going to have to use a lot of imagination to get through this crash diet of yours. It’s the only way that steamed broccoli with mustard isn’t going to taste like shit.

1/2 Cup: 60 calories, 6g Protein, 14g Carbs, 2g Fat, 4g sugar & 5g sugar alcohol. 

17) Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough

The base of the Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Halo Top isn’t the most impressive, but there are chunks of cookie dough throbbing throughout this pint. Behind the brownie dough from Red Velvet, the cookie dough pieces are the second-best mix-in the companies offers. We’re talking real cookie dough here – nothing insincere about it.

The base is just kind of a generic, buttery sweetness, but oh my God the things you would do to a stick of butter right now.

1/2 Cup: 90 calories, 6g Protein, 14g Carbs, 3g Fat, 7g sugar & 4g sugar alcohol. 

18) Chocolate Almond Crunch

The Chocolate Almond Crunch Halo Top tastes nothing like what you’d expect. The chocolate is a complete miss here, but let me tell you why I still like this one.

If you’re a fat Italian goombah like me, you might have grown up eating those S-shaped Stella D’oro cookies that nobody buys but us. This pint tastes exactly like those cookies; strong hints of almond and vanilla in every bite, with crunchy almond bits to drive the flavor home.

I don’t know what the hell happened to the chocolate, but chocolate is your devil anyway.

1/2 Cup: 70 calories, 6g Protein, 11g Carbs, 2.5g Fat, 5g sugar & 4g sugar alcohol. 

19) Vanilla Bean

Sure, vanilla is a little plain, but “Plain” is your middle name right now. Plain grilled chicken, plain asparagus, plain everything. But the Vanilla Halo Top is one you shouldn’t sleep on despite its placement on this list.

Instead of just vanilla extract, this one adds real vanilla beans to provide a bold, natural vanilla flavor. It’s a little icy but this shouldn’t be too unnatural for you either.

You drink two gallons of ice water each day to try and flush away an entire lifetime of bad decisions.

1/2 Cup: 60 calories, 6g Protein, 14g Carbs, 2g Fat, 4g sugar & 5g sugar alcohol. 

20) Blueberry Crumble (Seasonal)

Blueberries are full of antioxidants. You? You’re full of antidepressants due to this awful, awful diet. Cheer up with some ice cream and Halo Top’s Blueberry Crumble – a spring/summer seasonal.

The thing I enjoy most about this flavor is its sheer novelty – no other protein ice cream brand (and very few major ice cream brands for that matter) offer a blueberry base in their lineup. This has moderate, tart hints of blueberry that land in a refreshing place. Unfortunately the advertised blueberry swirl and pie crust pieces are an afterthought with far too low density to make any significant impact – especially the pie crust.

Hey Halo Top… who do we have to f*ck to get some pie around here?

1/2 Cup: 90 calories, 5g Protein, 17g Carbs, 2.5g Fat, 7g sugar & 5g sugar alcohol. 

21) Birthday Cake

Sprinkles! The Birthday Cake Halo Top does taste a lot like yellow cake with super sweet frosting. While it satisfies, it proves to be a bit much in large doses. This is one flavor where you can taste the stevia more than you’d like to.

Also, the sprinkles. You ever take fistful of sprinkles to the face? It’s not the best flavor when overdone, and you can taste it an awful lot here. Imagine dumping a healthy pour of sprinkles into a vanilla protein shake, then freezing it, then crying because all you want is a slice of cake.

That’s Birthday Cake Halo Top.

1/2 Cup: 70 calories, 6g Protein, 15g Carbs, 2g Fat, 5g sugar & 5g sugar alcohol. 

22) Strawberry

Strawberry Halo Top might be the most true to its full fat competition in the whole lineup. There’s nothing artificial about this strawberry – tastes like frozen strawberries. There’s plenty of natural sweetness just like in the fruit.

Did you find this review boring? That’s because strawberry ice cream (in general) is boring, and so is this. ?

1/2 Cup: 70 calories, 6g Protein, 15g Carbs, 2g Fat, 5g sugar & 5g sugar alcohol. 

23) Pistachio

Pistachio Halo Top is a straightforward flavor that’s a tough sell next to pints with cake and cookies and s’mores printed in the title. It’s hard for a guy who reviews cupcakes like me to get too excited for this one, and honestly, there’s not much excitement in this one either.

The nutty pistachio flavor is there but it’s on the light side. The real bummer is the lack of crunchy pistachio bits. In fact, pistachios aren’t even an ingredient in the recipe. However, the “essence of pistachio” does build as you continue to eat it.

Pistachio diehards on strict diets might enjoy this flavor a lot, if they existed.

1/2 Cup: 60 calories, 6g Protein, 11g Carbs, 1.5g Fat, 4g sugar & 4g sugar alcohol. 

24) Black Cherry

Another snoozer, but there’s really nothing WRONG with the Black Cherry Halo Top.

This one has nice chunks of soft dark cherries to give you something to chew on at least. They offer a natural sweetness and a slight tartness, but some mini chocolate chips would have gone a long way here. Without them, this is a little too similar to the acai bowl you had for breakfast AND lunch. You know, the one where you added a bunch of fruit just to hide the kale and spinach you blended in there.

I guess there’s a market for this flavor but it’s not me.

1/2 Cup: 70 calories, 6g Protein, 12g Carbs, 1.5g Fat, 5g sugar & 4g sugar alcohol. 

25) Chocolate

The Chocolate Halo Top tastes like chocolate, and that’s cool and all, but let me tell you what chocolate it tastes like. It tastes exactly like a Fudgesicle. You know, those $1 ice cream bars that you got from the ice cream truck when Mom and Dad didn’t give you enough to get a Choco Taco? I used to work on an ice cream truck; I watched plenty of kids eat Fudgesicles, but they were never smiling all that much. This one won’t make you smile all that much.

1/2 Cup: 70 calories, 5g Protein, 12g Carbs, 2.5g Fat, 5g sugar & 5g sugar alcohol. 

26) Green Tea Mochi

Full disclosure: I don’t enjoy green tea ice cream.

The good news for me is bad news for you, since I don’t think this tastes anything like green tea. Mochi Green Tea Halo Top instead has a strong floral component that reminds me of lavender ice cream, or potpourri. What I really enjoy are the chunks of mochi dough – a very clever, whimsical mix-in that should be applauded, even if I barely understand what mochi is. Green tea lovers will surely be disappointed with the overall flavor though.

By the way… if one more of you Fit Chicks tries to sell me FitTea, I swear I’ll shut down this blog so fast you won’t know what anything tastes like. 

1/2 Cup: 80 calories, 5g Protein, 16g Carbs, 2g Fat, 5g sugar & 5g sugar alcohol. 

27) Rainbow Swirl

So they finally made an ice cream you can actually eat, and you want to know how the sherbet flavor is? You really do need to work out your brain a little more.

Rainbow Swirl Halo Top maxes out at decent. It’s all “natural flavor” food science, with the red tasting like “raspberry,” the green like “lime,” and the orange like “orange.” It’s like Fruit Stripe gum in a way– kinda fun, but you kinda don’t want it either.

Still beats the piece of gum you had for lunch today. 

1/2 Cup: 60 calories, 2g Protein, 14g Carbs, 2g Fat, 5g sugar & 5g sugar alcohol. 

28) Chocolate Mocha Chip

Chocolate Mocha Chip Halo Top really fails to deliver in my opinion. Their chocolate isn’t the best to begin with, and the coffee flavoring introduces a bitter element that kinda makes it worse. The chips are really tiny and mostly flavorless – not the burst of chocolate I was hoping for. It’s kind of chalky too, and there’s a lasting artificial sweetness that isn’t very satisfying.

Black coffee is one of the few things you allow yourself, so you probably want to avoid this anyway.

1/2 Cup: 70 calories, 6g Protein, 14g Carbs, 2.5g Fat, 4g sugar & 5g sugar alcohol. 

29) Chocolate Covered Banana

When will we finally accept that banana flavored things don’t taste good unless they’re actually bananas?

Now if you like artificial banana flavor (and you know exactly what flavor I’m talking about), you might like Chocolate Covered Banana Halo Top. Personally I don’t enjoy it and especially not in ice cream – it’s similar to Banana Runts, Banana Laffy Taffy, or probably what Donkey Kong’s butthole tastes like. It’s also such a strong flavor that the chocolate swirl plays a very minor role.

Blending this banana with kale might actually improve it. Yuck.

1/2 Cup: 70 calories, 2.5g Protein, 15g Carbs, 2.5g Fat, 6g sugar & 5g sugar alcohol. 

30) Cookies & Cream

A surprise at last place, the Cookies & Cream Halo Top is the one I wouldn’t recommend to anyone.

There’s lots of cookies crumbs blended into the pint, but they don’t carry enough cocoa or chocolate flavor to distract from the real problem: a strong, extracty flavor in the base. It leaves an undesirable aftertaste that’s simply impossible to ignore. Imagine letting half an Oreo dissolve entirely in a huge glass of almond milk, and then spiking with vanilla extract. Not good.

Maybe I just eat too many Oreos (definitely), but something is off here.

*UPDATED*: In August 2017, Halo Top began advertising a reformulated Cookies & Cream. They did reduce the extracty bite, but it’s still the worst Halo Top. This is a flawed flavor at its core.

1/2 Cup: 80 calories, 6g Protein, 14g Carbs, 2.5g Fat, 7g sugar & 4g sugar alcohol. 

Summary

Though I don’t plan on competing in anything other than hot dog-eating competitions, I was mostly impressed with Halo Top’s light ice cream. Products that are only a fraction of the nutrition of leading brands must vastly outperform that fraction on flavor in order to be successful. Halo Top delivers on that benchmark with the exception of only a few flavors. My preference is still to eat a lesser amount of full-fat ice cream on most days, but the option to crush an entire pint on the couch without bloating like Jabba the Hutt is enticing enough to warrant an occasional purchase.

In summary, eat Halo Top if you want to get fatter a little more slowly.

Rating If Your Name is Ben or Jerry Rating: 6 out of 10
Rating If You’re a Fit Chick on Instagram Rating: OMG out of 10
Overall Rating: 7.5 out of 10

Related Reading: 

REVIEW: Ranking All ENLIGHTENED Flavors

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