“Fruit by the foot… candy by the mile.”
A real-life measure of my diet in distance.
Starburst Fruit by the Foot
Today I learned that the best way to get me to buy Fruit by the Foot is to flavor it with something better than Fruit by the Foot.
Hey, nothing against the guys, but I haven’t bought a Fruit by the Foot since ever. My parents were my exclusive FBTF suppliers for years, and by the time I gained purchasing power later in life, I had moved on. There were just so many better snacks I could (and did) buy in mass.
Like Starburst! Starburst, in my eyes, is one of the supreme fruit snacks in all the land. Show me a person who doesn’t love Starburst and I’ll show you what a unicorn looks like in broad daylight.
Each of the four original flavors of Starburst are represented in Starburst Fruit by the Foot, which presents a compelling dilemma when you discover there are six packs in a box. Are the flavors predetermined like in a standard Starburst pack, or randomly assigned like in the fun-sized two packs? How real is the possibility we could get all orange – my actual Starburst nightmare?
I started with my nightmare: orange. It’s not that I dislike the orange Starburst, but to me it’s far and away the worst flavor in the pack. The flimsy Fruit by the Foot roll does however do a great job of replicating its flavor.
I moved on to lemon – the only other acceptable answer for worst Starburst in the pack. My personal take is that the lemon Starburst is outstanding; it’s not red or pink good, but it’s up there. Unfortunately I thought the lemon Starburst Fruit by the Foot did a less impressive job replicating its Starburst. I’m getting some “lollipop in the doctor’s office” vibes.
We’re back in the win column as the cherry Starburst Fruit by the Foot is spot-on. If the red Starburst is your jam, then General Mills has a footlong with your name on it and it’s this.
Strawberry Starburst Fruit by the Foot is somewhere in between. Most of the pink Starburst flavor is there and then there’s a little bit of “Hmm that’s not quite right.” I could see a lot of people liking it and then others being furious that it’s not perfectly Starburst.
If my box’s distribution is the norm, then General Mills did some smart planning. They doubled down on cherry and strawberry so you get two each of the most popular flavors. Though in my opinion, the best two flavors here are actually Cherry and Orange.
These are a mixed bag. A fun mixed bag, but mixed nonetheless.
I’ll probably never buy Fruit by the Foot again.
Burning Questions:
- What does a unicorn look like in broad daylight? Like this.
- How much Fruit by the Foot did you eat? Fruit by the Yard.
- But if there’s 6 packs, then wouldn… Fine I ate two f*cking yards of Fruit by the Foot, ok?
Place of Purchase: Giant
Rating: 6.5 out of 10
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