Honestly, who needs fruit when you can just drink soda?
And honestly, who needs soda when you can just eat gummies?
And ANOTHER THING…
Alright I’m all out of things, but the thing that matters today is that there are new Crush soda-inspired Sour Patch Kids and Swedish Fish that you can purchase to eat.
How long before we get Sour Patch Kids and Swedish Fish sodas to drink?
Why am I so interested in changing the state of matter of the things I ingest?
And why the f*ck am I asking so many questions when nobody reads this blog?
Sour Patch Kids Crush Fruit Mix
WHO AM I TALKING TO?
The Crush soda mix features orange, grape, strawberry, and pineapple Sour Patch Kids.
To be completely honest with you, the fictional reader of this blog, the only flavor of Crush soda I’ve had is the classic orange. This is a total failing on my part as a junk food reviewer and it really explains why I have less readers now than I did when I first started Junk Banter (I stopped reading this shit long ago, bringing the total down to zero.)
The orange Crush Sour Patch Kid reminds me a lot of a sour version of those orange slice – especially with all that granulated sugar coating the candy. I’d say that comparison rings truer than the soda. Not really getting that carbonated beverage flavor.
I like the grape Crush Sour Patch Kid a bit more than I do most grape candies. Again, not really getting the soda. But then again I’ve never had it…
The strawberry Crush Sour Patch Kid is delightful. I really like sour twist on strawberry.
The pineapple Crush Sour Patch Kid rules too. But there is a better-than-good chance that this is the same pineapple in the Tropical Sour Patch Kid Mix, or the bags of White Pineapple Sour Patch Kids that come in TWO POUND and FIVE POUND BAGS (!).
Carbonation Rating: 0 out of 10
Carbohydrate Rating: 9 out of 10
Overall Rating: 7 out of 10
Swedish Fish Crush Fruit Mix
The Swedish Fish Crush Fruit Mix comes in the same four flavors as the Sour Patch Kids but removes the sour element.
The orange Crush Swedish Fish tastes like most orange candies to me. It’s refreshing like soda, but it’s also refreshing like juice… or refreshing like an orange. Again, the comparisons to soda are a stretch.
The grape Crush Swedish Fish isn’t especially appealing to me. Removing the sour component kinda just makes it taste like Dimetapp.
The strawberry Crush Swedish Fish is good, but not as good as the Sour Patch Version. Reminds me a bit of those strawberry hard candies in the strawberry wrappers.
The pineapple Crush Swedish Fish is probably the best out of all eight flavors I’ve eaten today. It tastes especially juicy and sweet, and works great with that soft, tender chew signature to the Swedish Fish.
That said, pineapple is the only Swedish Fix in this mix I’d actively seek again.
Soda Rating: 0 out of 10
Swedish Rating: 1 out of 10? (I honestly don’t know what they eat in Sweden)
Overall Rating: 6 out of 10
In summary, these taste nothing like soda. The mix shoots itself in the foot by using Crush flavor because it means 50% are orange and grape, which I generally think are the least desirable two flavors of almost all candy. Your milage may vary.
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