Imagine a day where zombies rose from the dead and made us eat poop?
That day is September 3rd, 2019.
You know those stupid BeanBoozled Jelly Beans that kids love but parents hate so parents love to buy them for their kids that they hate?
Well the new Zombie Skittles are just like that – some of the Skittles are delicious, and the rest of them taste like shit.
Now I’m not saying that because some of the flavors just don’t taste good… the bad ones are bad by design.
The good ones come in five fruity flavors (we’ll explore just how good they are in a minute):
- Petrifying Citrus Punch
- Mummified Melon
- Boogeyman Blackberry
- Chilling Black Cherry
- Blood Red Berry
But some of them are intentionally disgusting, with no way of knowing they’re the “rotten” ones until it’s too late.
Skittles explains:
This Halloween, we wanted to give our fans the ultimate rotten twist on the candy they know and love.
Rebecca Duke, Senior Brand Manager
Rebecca sounds awful.
Petrifying Citrus Punch (Orange) – This one tastes like a tangerine or a clementine more than it does an orange, and I think that’s an improvement. Tasty.
Mummified Melon (Green) – I love this one! Super sweet and juicy like some kind of ripe cantaloupe/watermelon hybrid or something.
Boogeyman Blackberry (Blue) – I don’t think this one tastes like blackberries; more like a blue raspberry that’s a little toned down in sweetness. I dig it.
Chilling Black Cherry (Dark Purple) – This one’s flavor takes a little time to develop, but then it rounds out to a black cherry soda-like flavor. Different, but good.
Blood Red Berry (Red) ROTTEN ZOMBIE – OH MY GOD IT TASTES LIKE SOMEONE FARTED IN MY MOUTH.
Blood Red Berry (Red) – This one tastes like a play on raspberry or maybe pomegranate.
Well, that was terrible. The mix of Skittles that don’t taste like farts is actually a great one, and then the Rotten Zombie legitimately tastes like a rotten egg soaked in diarrhea.
HOWEVER, this will definitely be a wonderful product to give to some bastard little trick-or-treater on Halloween, because they will be too excited to eat candy and too dumb to read the fine print.
Eating Farts Rating: 0 out of 10
Knowing That Dora the Explorer Will Be Eating Farts Rating: 10 out of 10
Overall Rating: 7.5 out of 10
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