Kellogg’s Pop Tarts vs. Pillsbury Toaster Strudel. Which side are you on? Both are delicious breakfast pastries, but perfect substitutes they are not.

The most commonly cited difference is that Pillsbury Toaster Strudel is one needy breakfast. They require a lot more attention, as they must be frozen until ready to eat, must be heated to enjoy, and demand that we apply our own icing OURSELVES. Who do I look like, Emeril Lagasse?

As a fat and therefore slow kid constantly in danger of missing the school bus, I found myself grabbing the quicker and easier Kellogg’s Pop Tarts nine times out of ten. I couldn’t risk having to run down the block because I spent a few extra minutes applying my own icing like some sort of Chef Gordon Ramsey. Acceleration wasn’t my strongest suit.

I recently reviewed Kellogg’s Pumpkin Pie Pop Tarts and found them to be quite satisfying. But now that I found Pillsbury Pumpkin Pie Toaster Strudel and have no school bus to catch, I finally have the opportunity to provide an unqualified analysis on which pumpkin pastry is better.

I ran mine through the toaster one and half cycles like a real Chef Bobby Flay. When you apply the icing to this steaming hot pumpkin pocket, it melts instantly. Fine by me, I’ll just eat faster. It’s the speed I excel at most.

The first few bites from the outside edge have no pumpkin filling. The dough is light, soft, and flaky. Unlike the mostly flavorless Pop Tart pastry, this one is packed with buttery goodness. Its taste reminds me of fried dough, like with a funnel cake or Italian zeppole. It’s pretty wonderful.

Don’t make fun of my icing.

The filling tastes much more like pumpkin pie than with the Pop Tarts. Cinnamon leads the pack in the pumpkin pie spice blend. The rest of the spices aren’t entirely discernible, but the overall experience evokes pumpkin pie. Since nobody cares, let’s just call the rest “nutmeg.”

The sweet vanilla icing masks some of the pure pumpkin flavor in the filling (and it does use pumpkin purée) but the combo is quite delicious.

Gettin sexy with it.

The only bummer here is that the filling is condensed to a tight little pocket in the center. Since the pastry is relatively small to begin with, the experience is over pretty quickly. I just wish we had more time together.

Without a doubt, the Pumpkin Pie Toaster Strudel captures the essence of pumpkin pie better than the Pop Tarts.

Also, preparing them made me feel like a regular Chef Boyardee.

Difficulty Catching the School Bus When You’re Fat Rating: 8.5 out of 10
Difficulty Driving a School Bus With Me On It Rating: 7.5 out of 10
Overall Rating: 8 out of 10

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