REVIEW: Hostess Pumpkin Spice Twinkies
So here we are. Can anybody even remember what the original Twinkie cream flavor was? It was vanilla, right? WRONG! When Twinkies were invented in 1930, the cream filling was bananas. Literally. They used real bananas and real cream, but when bananas were rationed during World War II, the producers switched to a vanilla cream. The new iteration dominated sales, and banana Twinkies didn’t make a full-time comeback until 2007 after a cross-promotion for the King Kong movie spiked Hostess sales.
Flash forward a few years, and a national tragedy they should teach in grade school occurred. Hostess filed for bankruptcy in January 2012, and said it would wind down operations because customers wanted healthier foods. Hostess… no we don’t. They officially shut down operations in November 2012. For ten horrible months, you couldn’t walk into a store and buy Twinkies. Two private equity firms restored order to the world when they purchased the Hostess brand out of bankruptcy, and Twinkies made a triumphant return to U.S. shelves in July 2013.
What’s the over/under on how many women I will pick up with this knowledge? Twinkies didn’t just return in 2013… they returned with a vengeance. Hostess introduced everything under the sun: Strawberry Twinkies, Chocolate Twinkies, Blue Raspberry Twinkies, Banana Split Twinkies, Cherry Chocolate Twinkies, the blood of the X-Men Twinkies, and the flesh of the Minions Twinkies. All of this was just really awkward foreplay for the real deal…
I won’t waste your time reviewing the actual Twinkie cake. You know exactly what it tastes like, and if you don’t, you should probably hit the little red “x” in the top right corner of this blog and never return. The cake isn’t flavored like pumpkin spice – it’s the standard golden yellow, buttery cake base. For some reason, it’s a little more rubbery than the standard Twinkie. The pumpkin spices are packed into the cream filling.
Hostess Pumpkin Spice Twinkies aren’t the sexiest product. These little pumpkin tubes look like corn dogs with melted hot dogs in the middle. Lord knows that isn’t going to stop me. They also don’t smell all that different than regular Twinkies. To get any pumpkin spice aroma, you have to hold the Twinkie directly under your nose. This gets uncomfortable in a hurry. When you bite into it, however, you release some pumpkin spice flavor. It combines the vanilla filling you SHOULD know and love with mild pumpkin spices.
There’s really not much else to say about these Pumpkin Spice Twinkies. Hostess was going for a regular Twinkie base with a pumpkin spice cream, and that’s exactly what these are. The pumpkin spice cream isn’t mind-blowing, nor is it a poor attempt. As a pumpkin psychopath, I would choose these over regular Twinkies 10 times out of 10. They’re a slight upgrade if you like pumpkin spices, but stick with the standard Twinkie if vanilla is your preference. If Hostess really wanted a game-changing product, they would have added pumpkin spices to the Twinkie cake like with their Hostess Pumpkin Spice Cupcakes and filled it with Twinkie cream. Had they done so, I might need to excuse myself for the evening.
How Many Twinkies I Just Ate Rating: 3 out of 10
Over/Under On How Many Women I Pick Up w/ My Twinkie Knowledge Rating: 0.5 out of 10
Overall Rating: 6 out of 10
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