REVIEW: Pillsbury Chocolate Lava Mini Pies
Two down, one Pillsbury Mini Pie to go. How was I feeling after the Apple Cinnamon Mini Pie?
‘Twas decent, but nowhere near as good S’mores Mini Pies. Unless, of course, you’re obsessed with McDonald’s Baked Apple Pies. I am not, so I was mildly disappointed. But overall, these Pillsbury Mini Pies have been a ton of fun. I might be the only person in America who has found them yet, but I think you’re going to love them when they’re easier to locate. I’m perhaps most excited to try our final variety as it’s the most unique… Pillsbury Chocolate Lava Mini Pies!
Ya’ll know what a lava cake is, right? Let me waste your time explaining what it is, anyway. Often called molten cakes, chocolate lava cakes are little chocolate cakes with a thicker, hot-fudge like filling in the center. It’s like a decadent chocolate volcano, hence the name. At restaurants, it’s traditionally served with a big scoop of vanilla ice cream on top, because who gives a shit anyway? I find it to be one of the sexiest, most romantic desserts in existence. But you should probably avoid eating them if you’re actually expecting to have any physical romance, because you’ll probably want to take a 12-hour nap afterwards. It’s often worth it, though, so really size up who is on the other end of the table and figure out what’s more important that night. Spoiler Alert: I’m at a Chili’s by myself anyway.
Pillsbury Chocolate Lava Mini Pies are built with a cocoa-fied dough, chocolate center, and vanilla icing to simulate the ice cream topping. While we wait for them to cook (12-15 minutes at 400 degrees), let’s size up the nutrition and ingredients. One mini pie with icing is 190 calories, 6g of fat, 26g of carbs, and 13g of sugar; worse for you than the Apple Cinnamon (duh), but a slightly better alternative than the S’mores. This ingredient list reads like softcore pornography for chocoholics. I can’t even be sure where all of this is used, but here’s what we’ve got: milk chocolate, chocolate liquor, cocoa powder, chocolate graham crunch (what!?), Dutch processed Cocoa, and chocolate fudge flavor. Commence chocolate orgasm. And then there’s vanilla, vanilla flavor, and natural cream flavor. Oh yes… the table is officially set for me not having sex with anyone tonight, though that table is always set. (See: JunkBanter.com)
Ok, icing by itself first… nothing special. It’s like a sugar glaze more than a true vanilla frosting. But the dough on these Pillsbury Chocolate Lava Mini Pies is the best of the three. Not exactly a surprise since it’s chocolate, but they did a superb job with it. It has a rich and deep cocoa flavor versus something artificial and sweet. I’m very satisfied with it, but just a quick note. Be careful not to overbake your Pillsbury Chocolate Lava Mini Pie. The cocoa flavor inherently carries with it a bit of that burnt taste to begin with, and I could tell mine was a few minutes away from becoming downright unpleasant. But I also lost track of my baking time while writing the above paragraph, so that one is on me.
Once I made way to the center, I lost my self-control and just shoved the entire thing into my mouth soon after. This warm gooey filling tastes lavish like true fudge – exactly what the inside of a chocolate lava cakes should taste like. It’s downright sweet & sugary goodness, and when you put this up against the bitter dark cocoa dough? Luscious. Being that an actual chocolate lava cake is supposed to have exploding insides, the runny texture here makes for a genuine experience. Normally if you want chocolate lava cake, you have to put on pants and head to a restaurant. Not anymore, you don’t, because pairing Pillsbury Chocolate Lava Mini Pies with vanilla ice cream and no pants is going to be one of your favorite nights alone by yourself.
How Many Times I’ve Eaten At a Chili’s Alone Rating: 5 out of 10
How Much Sex I’m Not Having Tonight Rating: 10 out of 10
Overall Rating: 8 out of 10