Warning: This is going to be brutal. When there is no backstory for the feature flavor of a limited edition Oreo, I steal jokes from the Internet. When the flavor is so specific that no jokes exist (like with these Strawberry Shortcake Oreos), I have to write my own. This is a tough one; bear with me:
5) Why didn’t the shortcake rise all the way? It wasn’t tall enough.
4) What do you call a sad strawberry shortcake? A blueberry shortcake.
3) Why was the strawberry shortcake in so much pain? It got creamed.
2) Why did the strawberry shortcake eat itself? Because life is short.
1) How does a strawberry shortcake taste through a straw? It sucks.
Strawberry shortcake has been gaining some momentum in 2016. Brach’s recently released Strawberry Shortcake Candy Corn, but nobody cared because candy corn is disgusting. Dove released Milk Chocolate Strawberry Shortcake Promises, but this was all wrong because milk chocolate doesn’t belong anywhere near Strawberry Shortcake. Finally, Mars treated us to Strawberry Shortcake M&M’s. This was a step in the right direction for strawberry shortcake, but you’re not officially a seasonal flavor trend until Oreo says you are. With the release of Strawberry Shortcake Oreos, the gavel has fallen. Strawberry Shortcake is officially the reason none of us will look good in a bathing suit this summer.
Strawberry Shortcake Oreos are made with a golden Oreo wafer and a pinkish-colored creme that no doubt has something to do with strawberries. The package doesn’t let us know if the creme contains all the flavors of a strawberry shortcake, or if it’s a straight strawberry creme that combines with the cookie to replicate the cake. And while this does sound like an exciting flavor, I’m already bummed and confused by the presentation. These would have looked so much cooler with half strawberry cream and half vanilla cream to remind us of the fluffy whipped cream smothered between the layers of the traditional strawberry shortcake. Instead, we got this pink stuff that conjures nightmares of Fruit Punch Oreos. Why didn’t Nabisco give me a call to consult with me? It’s like they just view me as a know-nothing, unpopular food blogger who has no idea what he’s talking about. Do they even know my Brownie Batter Oreo review got 18 hits?
Opening the package of Strawberry Shortcake Oreos is like snorting Strawberry Nesquik, and licking the creme is like drinking strawberry milk that you made with Strawberry Nesquik. That’s it. That’s exactly what these tastes like. I didn’t get any vanilla or whipped cream nuances – I got Strawberry Nesquik. It’s a massively artificial, highly sweetened, Strawberry Nesquik flavored creme. There’s a little bit of a tart factor hiding under all this fake strawberry, but the over-the-top sweetness is going to prevail. It feels familiar, and I don’t love it.
On to the wafers. My assumption was that these were the standard Golden Oreo wafers, but now I’m not so sure. I thought it might be a manufacturing defect, but most of my cookies began to fracture when even the slightest amount of pressure was applied. Ok, not a big deal… they’re going to crumble in my face hole anyway. But I tried a wafer solo, and found it lacked some of the sweetness in the standard Golden Oreo wafer. Now, I suspected a formula change. I scoured the ingredient list and noticed these cookies contained graham flour, something the standard Golden Oreo wafer does not. I suspect these may be the same graham-flavored wafers used in the S’mores Oreos and the Key Lime Pie Oreos.
So how does this all translate together? Not great. Though this possibly-graham-flavored wafer helps temper the excessive artificial sweetness of the creme, the combination doesn’t taste like strawberry shortcake. It still tastes like strawberry milk. Crunchy strawberry milk. Everything about Strawberry Shortcake Oreos feels kind of lazy to me. They even come in that lame, non-resealable package that ensures these will go stale in no time. I feel like you can get this same experience from any house-brand Strawberry Creme cookie. These simply aren’t the quality I’ve come to expect from Nabisco. After one Strawberry Shortcake Oreo, I didn’t even have an urge to have a second one. So I had a second cookie just to confirm that I didn’t like them, and then I had a third cookie because I knew I would never eat another. Six cookies later, I hate myself about as much as I hate these Oreos.
Nothing Short of Mediocre Rating: 9 out of 10
How Much I Rather Eat My Shorts Rating: 4 out of 10
Overall Rating: 5 out of 10
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