Today is Part I of a new segment I like to call: “I’m Going to Review Three Different Twinkies in Three Consecutive Days.”
Fat Person Trivia Time: Did you know that the original Twinkies had a banana creme? You would have known this if you read my , but you didn’t. Allow me to summarize: The original Twinkies had a banana creme. And not just a banana-flavored creme, either. The original creme used real bananas and real creme, but they later switched to a vanilla creme when bananas were rationed during WWII. These days, Hostess honors its roots by offering artificially-flavored banana creme Twinkies. They also offer Chocolate-Covered Chocodile Twinkies, so these limited edition Banana Split Twinkies were an easy assembly for Hostess.
Hostess Banana Split Twinkies were actually introduced last summer. But when Drunk Female and I started Junk Banter (seriously where the heck is she?), she laid one ground rule that trumped all: We shall never cover anything with Minions on it. Hostess Banana Split Twinkies were branded with Minions last year, so I never ate them. The Minions are now gone from the packaging (hopefully they’re dead), so I’m excited to finally give them a go.
Hostess Banana Split Twinkies are made with zero things that are good for you and only one thing that is: water. Water is actually the first ingredient here. Is this supposed to f*ckin hydrate me or something? Total mind-blower…
Anyway, Hostess Banana Split Twinkies are covered in a chocolatey coating with an artificially flavored strawberry topping and a banana creme filling. Even though they’re quick to point out that they’re artificially flavored, the ingredient list does reveal real strawberry puree and banana puree. Cutting one open, the strawberry topping is minimal at best.
After one bite into the Hostess Banana Split Twinkie, my initial reactions is “pleasantly surprised yet still underwhelmed.” The artificial banana flavoring is the lead flavor, and it’s tastier than I expected. The creme is a bit cloying and the flavor a little understated, but what’s there is good for a banana creme. The second most noticeable flavor is that stiff chocolatey exterior, which tastes just as one would expect from a Hostess snack cake. Think Ring Rings: a thick, highly sweet, fake chocolate that satisfies for nostalgia more than it does complexity. The Twinkie cake itself has a mild butter and vanilla flavor that is familiar and appropriate.
The bummer here, as I already alluded to, is the strawberry topping. There’s just not enough to make any impact and put this into the banana split category. I had to take a very focused and specific bite of just the top layer to taste it at all, and what’s there is jammy, tart, and and enjoyable. But good luck tasting it when you’ve got so much floury cake, chocolatey coating, and water (apparently) getting in the way. A true banana split has a plentiful scoop of strawberry ice cream, so it’s pretty disappointing that strawberry wasn’t represented strongly here. For what it’s worth, though, the chocolate and banana creme combine quite nicely.
In summary, these banana water cakes are decent.
Hydration Rating: 7 out of 10
Minions Rating: 0 out of 10
Overall Rating: 7 out of 10
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