REVIEW: General Mills Cinnamon Star Crunch
I trust you’ve heard about Christmas miracles. Well, today I discuss a Christmas tragedy.
For some unthinkable, horrible, bullshit reason, General Mills has replaced life-changing Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch with this totally lame General Mills Cinnamon Star Crunch.
Why? Why would General Mills and Santa do this to me? I was good this year (more or less).
This is a fucking nightmare.
You couldn’t possibly understand. My review of Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch reads like a love letter. I consumed no less than a dozen boxes last year and have been patiently waiting for it to return like the good little bitch that I am. The wait has been excruciating, even if it’s only been a month without it because I BOUGHT SO MUCH because IT WAS SO GOOD. No product ever reviewed on Junk Banter has come within 90 points of Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch’s record: 100 out of 10.
Cinnamon Star Crunch. WTF? They already make Cinnamon TOAST Crunch! And does anyone remember Kellogg’s Cinnamon Jacks? Probably not, because it was discontinued because it sucked so hard. General Mills Cinnamon Star Crunch is the EXACT same thing. This is the laziest cereal ever.
General Mills Cinnamon Star Crunch is a sweetened cinnamon corn puff cereal. It tastes fine – like cinnamon flavored Corn Pops. But none of this is relevant.
In milk, General Mills Cinnamon Star Crunch still isn’t Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch and therefore it is a failure of epic proportions. It is a sad cereal and you will be sad eating it. It tastes like you just got socks for Christmas when you were expecting a Nintendo 64. Or like… if your significant other broke up with you right when you were expecting to get laid.
If anyone from General Mills is reading, I leave you with this:
Odds Anyone from General Mills is Reading This Rating: 1 out of 10
Not Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch Rating: 10 out of 10
Overall Rating: 0 out of 10
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