Heroism: it can be many things to many people.

To some, heroism is a firefighter rescuing the family cat from a burning home after saving all the humans. To me, heroism is a firefighter rescuing the family size box of Fruity Pebbles from a burning home before saving anyone.

To you? Heroism is me telling you what I think of some new protein bars before you have to spend, like, $2.79 to try one yourself.

Quest Hero Bars

Quest Hero Bars

New Quest Hero Bars! This isn’t the first, second, or even 27th time I’ve bailed your asses out before. Here’s a review I once did of 28 f*cking Quest Bars. Two of the flavors don’t even exist anymore, but if they ever come back… I’ve preemptively come to your rescue.

I’m like the Abraham Lincoln of protein bars.

A Jacked & Honest Abe. (Composite photo courtesy of Getty/TMZ)

So what’s so heroic about the new Quest Hero Bars? Beats me, and apparently beats the people at Quest too. There’s really no unique description for this product launch. They basically just covered their Beyond Cereal Bars with chocolate protein coatings and then stuffed them with filling. If that’s all it takes to be a hero, then Quest is, at best, the Enrique Iglesias of protein bars.

The Quest Hero Bars launch in three flavors: Blueberry Cobbler, Vanilla Caramel, and Chocolate Caramel Pecan. Their nutritional profiles appear below:

Flavor: Cals Protein Carbs Fat Sugar
Blueberry Cobbler 170 17g 30g (4g net) 7g 13g
Vanilla Caramel  170  16g 29g (4g net)  9g  12g
 Chocolate Caramel Pecan  200  16g  29g (4g net) 9g  12g

The other thing worth nothing is that these bars use that heroic new sugar called “allulose,” a super rare sugar that passes through the body without making you fat. It has almost zero calories, is found in nature, and Quest definitely made it up.

Blueberry Cobbler Quest Hero Bar

Blueberry Cobbler Quest Hero Bar

Blueberry Cobbler Quest Hero Bar

The description from Quest: a white chocolate flavored protein coating, deliciously sweet and gooey blueberry flavored filling, and the satisfying chewiness of a Beyond Cereal Bar at its core.

Okay, so it didn’t take long for me to realize just how lazy the new Quest Hero Bars were. Tucked inside the Blueberry Cobbler Quest Hero Bar is something damn-near-close-if-not-identical to the Cinnamon Quest Beyond Cereal Bar. I would estimate that 80% of the flavor relies on it. The cinnamon flavor greeted me first – not a terrible thing considering the Cinnamon Beyond Cereal Bar was my favorite.

The blueberry filling doesn’t add much to the Blueberry Cobbler Quest Hero Bar, though. For shame. What’s there is kind of tasty (tart & sweet), but the layer is so thin that it doesn’t impact the profile enough. This doesn’t have nearly as much blueberry flavor as the Blueberry Muffin Quest Bar. The “white chocolate” protein coating adds a nondescript sweetness that mellows the cinnamon flavor more than it does boost the overall flavor.

Stick with the Blueberry Cobbler OhYeah! ONE bar.

Rating: 6 out of 10

Vanilla Caramel Quest Hero Bar

Vanilla Almond Quest Hero Bar

Vanilla Almond Quest Hero Bar

The description from Quest: a sweet vanilla flavored protein coating, gooey caramel filling, almonds, and a Beyond Cereal Bar core.

The Vanilla Caramel Quest Hero Bar also relies heavily on the cereal bar tucked inside it, and this one reminds me most of the Waffle Beyond Cereal Bar. I tasted a familiar fake butteriness from the waffle version in this one. I didn’t get as much maple though, because this time the vanilla coating and caramel filling make a stronger contribution to the final flavor. There’s also some almonds in the mix, but they play a much lesser role. Think of this as a hybrid between the Waffle Beyond Cereal and the Vanilla Almond Quest Bar.

My complaints remain consistent – the caramel layer is super thin and it’s nowhere near as stretchy or gooey as the package implies. I also tasted the allulose-sucralose combo more here than in the other bars, especially after I was done chewing. Can’t see myself buying this one again.

Rating: 5.5 out of 10

Chocolate Caramel Pecan Quest Hero Bar

Chocolate Caramel Pecan Quest Hero Bar

Chocolate Caramel Pecan Quest Hero Bar

The description from Quest:  a protein chocolate coating, packed with pecans, swimming in a gooey caramel flavored filling, all around a Beyond Cereal Bar Core.

Relax, Quest – nothing is swimming in anything here, but the Chocolate Caramel Pecan Quest Hero Bar is easily the victor today. Again the Chocolate Beyond Cereal Bar contributes most to the flavor, but here it mingles much better with the new components. The outside chocolate coating sweetens the cocoa-based cereal bar, the caramel flavored gel (or whatever it is) is more pronounced against the chocolate, and the bits of pecan add a nuttiness I could actually detect. The combo works.

But even without major faults, the Chocolate Caramel Pecan Quest Hero Bar didn’t blow me away. I’ve been spoiled by some damn good chocolate protein bars.

Rating: 7.5 out of 10

Quest Hero Bars

Welp, heroism is dead, folks. The New Quest Hero Bars are simply Beyond Cereal Bars with a filling too thin to make substantial impact and a coating that lags behind the competition. Laziness is alive and well.

Quest Hero Bars might impress more if they debuted instead of Beyond Cereal Bars. But launching this much later, it’s clear they rely too heavily on their predecessors. The extra components put them in a wrestling ring with so many director competitors, and the Quest Hero Bars get squashed. They’re less sweet than brands like  and FIT Crunch, and I’m not sure I really love the cereal bar texture in this configuration.

In summary, at least Quest’s version of a “Hero” is better than Nickelback’s.

“Hero” by Nickelback3 out of 10
“Hero” by Enrique Iglesias: 4 out of 10
Overall Rating: 6 out of 10

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3 Responses

  1. Kenny says:

    Was hoping to get your opinion on “Hero” by Mariah Carey tho

  2. Sam says:

    Was hoping to get your opinion on “Zero” by Smashing Pumpkins tho