I absolutely love when companies just give up on trying to creatively name their newest products. Take Nerds Bumpy Jelly Beans, for example. You can practically taste the marketing team’s complete and utter disinterest in each bumpy bite. I feel like Marketing Guy #1 commented, “These jelly beans look bumpy,” and Marketing Guy #2 said, “Well gentlemen, I think we’re done here.”
Not to be outdone, Hersey has just released my new favorite “who gives a shit” candy names: Reese’s Crunchers and Hershey’s Cookies ‘N’ Creme Crunchers.
I don’t expect these two new releases to be anything groundbreaking, so I’m combining them into one review. They both share the dubious “Crunchers” title, which tells me that I should likely expect the same candy I’m used to with some playful textures thrown in.
The Reese’s Crunchers can go first, because Reese’s is a god amongst candy and shall not be kept waiting.
Reese’s Crunchers is a mix of “mini peanut butter chips, puffs, and peanuts covered in milk chocolate.” The bag smells like straight-up Reese’s which is always a plus. The taste is definitely good, too (of course it is). But instead of a strong Reese’s peanut butter presence, I’m mostly getting smooth chocolate and puff crispies with peanut butter playing quietly in the background. There’s definitely something a little lacking here. The peanuts are there but they’re diced up into itty bitty pieces that I can’t even identify within the cluster.
These Reese’s Crunchers are most successful from a texture standpoint – they’ll have you crunching and chomping away like there’s no tomorrow. But they did leave me craving more peanut butter flavor. It’s a fun snack that isn’t an improvement upon or even equivalent to the original. They’re also not very visually appealing. They look like you’ve already eaten them, if you know what I mean. (They look like shit.)
Visual Rating: 2 out of 10
Visual Rating If The Goal Was To Look As Gross As Possible: 10 out of 10
Overall Rating: 7 out of 10
Now, onto Hershey’s Cookies ‘N’ Creme Crunchers.
I think the graham cracker cruncher was a superb choice: it brings in another flavor that pairs very well with the white and milk chocolates, and it’s a much more satisfying crunch than the rice puffs in Reese’s. The graham adds a much needed balance to the typical sweetness of Hershey’s Cookies ‘N’ Creme bars, and that texture is just spot on. They taste like a hybrid of the candy bar and those vanilla sugar wafer cookies.
Even if you’re not typically a white chocolate fan, give Hershey’s Cookies ‘N’ Creme Crunchers a shot. They’re delicious, and don’t look too much like poop.
Lameness of the Name “Crunchers” Rating: 9 out of 10
How Much Better My Candy Bar Names Would Be Rating: 0 out of 10
Overall Rating: 8 out of 10
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