When we look back on the impact that the COVID-19 pandemic has had on the junk food industry, the following product will sum it all up better than words can.
Sour Patch Kids Chips Ahoy!
Left alone to stew with our thoughts in isolation, shit like Sour Patch Kids Chips Ahoy! cookies are born.
And with nobody around to stop them, they reach market.
And with literally nothing better to do, we buy them against our better judgment.
The virus is public enemy #1. We are all collectively public enemy #2.
So WTF do we have here, exactly? I’ll tell you TF: they’re cookies with sour gummy bits and then some weirdly-flavored, brightly-colored not-chocolate chips.
To my ultimate surprise, Sour Patch Kids Chips Ahoy! actually smell pretty good and fairly harmless. They smell like a combination of lemon cookies and fruity cereal for the most part. Suddenly I am intrigued…
And then you have to eat them…
The parts without any bits or chips are ok. They’re pretty much like a normal Chips Ahoy without any chocolate (which makes this worse, mind you.) But then you get random, sticky gummy pieces that don’t add much sour and kinda just get in the way. I’m not positive these are actually Sour Patch Kids bits because I’d expect them to be more sour if they were.
The big problem – and trust me, there are multiple – is the aftertaste. You don’t get it on every bite, but when you get it, boy do you get it. Its taste is at the intersection of “crayon” and “cat piss”. (I have only ingested one of the two, but I’ve eaten enough garbage in my life to have a pretty good idea what the other probably tastes like.)
Other issues? They’re not sweet enough, they’re not sour enough, and nothing comes together to be a palatable cookie.
Thankfully they’re limited edition, so when all of this is finally over, let’s just pretend these never existed.
Burning Questions:
- Why is this a thing? Too much time on our hands.
- Isn’t “cat piss” a little harsh? For the cat.
- What if I still want to try them? Then you’re as f*cked up as I am.
Place of Purchase: Walmart
Rating: 3.5 out of 10
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I can’t handle it…. ” The big problem – and trust me, there are multiple – is the aftertaste. You don’t get it on every bite, but when you get it, boy do you get it. Its taste is at the intersection of “crayon” and “cat piss”. (I have only ingested one of the two, but I’ve eaten enough garbage in my life to have a pretty good idea what the other probably tastes like. (Junkbanter, 2020)” I can’t help but say that I miss your video reviews on snapchat. Everyone hates snapchat, i get it but your reviews are hilarious.