Do you think Cheerios are a little too boring? Shredded Wheat a little too square?
Well, I’ve got two words for you my friend:
#GETBLASTED.
*1-3 Words, depending on how fluent you are in Hashtagalog.
Alongside the new Cinnamon Toast Crunch BLASTED Shreds, General Mills is blasting new Peanut Butter Chocolate BLASTED Shreds. With Cinnamon Toast Crunch dominating as one of the company’s all-time best-sellers, and with them releasing Chocolate Peanut Butter Cheerios earlier this year, it appears their new strategy is a simple one:
Take leftover cereal seasoning from stuff we already make, and blast the shit out of whatever we can find.
If it seems like I’m mocking the strategy, trust me… I’m not. These flavors are tried, true, and require little tweaking (if any). Switching up the vehicle through which they’re delivered makes a lot of sense and could even yield a slight improvement. If they’re worse, their floor is still really high. This review then simply becomes:
Are the Blasted Shreds better than the Cheerios, aka, Does shredded wheat work better than oats?
As someone who poops frequently but could always use help, I’m very excited to find out.
The first thing you’ll notice about Peanut Butter Chocolate BLASTED Shreds is that you’ll need to call the entire family to help carry it into the house. The box weighs more than an elephant.
Peanut Butter Chocolate BLASTED Shreds is in a tie for the heartiest cereal I’ve ever eaten, sharing that honor with only – you guessed it – Cinnamon Toast Crunch BLASTED Shreds.
There aren’t that many ingredients in this cereal: wheat, sugar, peanut butter, cocoa, canola oil, and some vitamin stuff. But what’s there is THERE, as the thick shredded wheat pieces are caked in so much seasoning that it’s basically cake frosting.
Much like Chocolate Peanut Butter Cheerios, the blend favors peanut butter. The only difference is quantity – some pieces were so immersed in it that they actually chewed creamy like peanut butter. I QUITE enjoyed those pieces. The Shreds are sufficiently sugared and truly taste like a modern, fun version of shredded wheat.
Blasted indeed.
Just like the Cheerios, I’m afraid, their outstanding flavor is compromised some in milk. The peanut butter and chocolate just don’t pack the same punch that they do dry.
Let me not belabor the point and misguide anyone though – these still taste great, and they’re definitely tastier than the Chocolate Peanut Butter Cheerios. Credit that mostly to the quantity of seasoning, and partially to the way it gets trapped between layers of Shred.
There’s one last thing to mention to the calorie-conscious: GTFO with this cereal right here. A 2/3 cup serving with half cup skim milk is 270 calories and 47g of carbs. And it’ll be difficult to limit yourself to just that much, because it’s so damn delicious. Thankfully there is some fiber (7g) to help cut into that figure if you follow “net carbs” and shit like that.
And speaking of shit…
I have some BLASTING to do of my own.
Odds I’m Pooping While You Read This Rating: 10 out of 10
Odds You’re Pooping While You Read This Rating: 6 out of 10
Overall Rating: 8.5 out of 10
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Calories are mostly the same per gram of any cereal. Volume measurement for serving size and how much you pour in your bowl before it’s full artificially make one cereal look worse than another. In the end, if there’s more calories it’s only because you can pour more grapenuts into a bowl than Reese’s Puffs for example. Per ounce or gram, I want to say that grapenuts are actually lower in calories if memory serves continuing the example. The same probably holds true here.
I agree that you’re generally accurate here, but we do perceive serving size with our eyes too. Volume then becomes important mentally instead of just weight. When you look at a few heavy ass Shreds and realize that’s all there is to one 2/3 cup serving for as many cals as it is, you get discouraged because you know you’re gonna want more pieces.
True. It plays no role for me, but not everyone is a lunatic that weighs all of their food like I do.
Consider, too, that volume constraints are imposed by spoon diameter/depth, such that a denser cereal begets greater cereal mass-per-bite, and, if bite frequency is held constant across cereals, greater energy intake per unit time for the more calorically dense cereal. Then, to your point, Junk Male, not only do the visual aspects of serving size play a role in energy consumption; equally if not more important is the mechanical logistics of inhaling larger amounts of energy per spoonage.