Ah, the beloved cereal mascot. For characters that are such important parts of our youth, we sure do know absolutely nothing about them, huh?

Take Toucan Sam, for instance. We know that he is a toucan, and we know that he loves Froot Loops. Some of us might know that he’s fluent in Pig Latin, is an uncle, and his accent suggests that he is British. Beyond these random tidbits, we don’t know anything about his personal life.

With the release of Kellogg’s newest cereal, we now know that he’s totally bangin’ this unicorn.

Kellogg’s Unicorn Cereal

New Kellogg’s Unicorn Cereal! These things sure look an awful lot like Sam’s beloved Froot Loops, but the package insists they are “magic cupcake” flavored instead.

So what do we know about this hereto unnamed Unicorn? Even less than we know about Sam. For starters, she looks like she’s got a bit of an attitude – some sass that I like about her. Accordingly, I’m assuming she is some kind of dynamo in the sack.

This bodes well for Sam, who has probably followed his nose to some filthy, awful places.

Sorry for ruining a children’s cereal.

Despite the mascot owning a very Froot Loop-y mane, Kellogg’s Unicorn Cereal contains but three colors: pink, blue, and purple. The cereal is studded with little white bits, that I guess are supposed to be sparkles? But given what I suspect the Toucan and Unicorn are doing with each other, to each other, and on each other, I really don’t want to know.

So what exactly does a “Magic Cupcake” taste like? To be frank, it tastes a lot like Kellogg’s similarly shaped, probably-the-same-thing Pink Donut Cereal. I always knew donuts were magical.

Basically strip the fruity flavor away from Froot Loops, revealing its corn-heavy multigrain core. Now sweeten it a little… and then a little bit more.

Voila… Kellogg’s Unicorn Cereal.

Kellogg’s Unicorn Cereal

Much of the “magic cupcake” flavor disappears in milk… a real vanishing act.

Poof.

But what’s left isn’t exactly flavorless. I think I prefer this slightly to Kellogg’s Pink Donut cereal because I find the base Froot Loops flavor to be preferable. But truthfully, you do expect a more fun & vibrant flavor from something that’s supposed to be as wild as this mythical, nympho unicorn.

Some bonus points are in order because the back of the box couples as a coloring book, and I think that’s pretty rad. You could basically just plop this cereal down in front of your kids and enjoy the pleasure of not having to talk to them for at least 30 minutes.

Unfortunately all I had in my kitchen at the time was a blue pen, a black Sharpie, and some leftover touch-up paint for my front door.

I told you this unicorn was a bad bitch.

Odds Toucan Sam is Totally Bangin’ This Unicorn Rating: 10 out of 10
Trying to Say “Unicorn Cereal” in Pig Latin Rating: Ero-zay out of En-tay
Overall Rating: 6 out of 10

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