The following review was written while seated comfortably on the toilet.
Okay, so I guess that’s no different than most of my reviews. But this time, I’m on the toilet for a very special reason.
I cannot stop eating Fiber One 90 Calorie Gingerbread Bars for the life of me.
“Issue” 1: Fiber One Gingerbread Bars are irresistibly delicious.
“Issue” 2: Fiber One Gingerbread Bars are only sold in boxes of 38.
I’ve been shitting tiny gingerbread men for days.
Fiber One Gingerbread Bars
Fiber One Gingerbread Bars appears to be a Costco exclusive, which explains why you have to get 38 of them, which explains why I live in the bathroom now.
But here’s the thing about Costco: I got these on sale for $4.99. That’s less money than I spend on laxatives when I need help poopin’, and none of those are flavored like gingerbread. Sure, you’ll need a Costco membership to get in, but I just stole my Dad’s.
This is the steal of the century.
Fiber One Gingerbread Bars smell and taste wonderfully of ginger and cloves. The ingredients list just “spice” and “cinnamon,” but the flavor profile is 100% gingerbread. They’re like the Fiber One Pumpkin Bars on Christmas crack. Strip the pumpkin bars of their nutmeg, crank up the ginger, cloves, and allspice, and you’ve got yourself the Fiber One Gingerbread Bars.
The Fiber One Gingerbread Bars are soft in the center with a slight crispiness to the exterior. The texture is similar to a thin brownie at first, but they very much emulate a soft gingerbread cookie once you begin chewing in earnest. The firm icing on top adds desirable texture, like chocolate chips would inside of a brownie.
Excuse me while I wipe my ass for a minute.
Better. Fiber One Gingerbread Bars are truly fantastic. The heavy dosage of spices prevents them from being too sweet and accurately represents a flavorful gingerbread cookie, while the texture is something of a gingerbread brownie. I just reviewed three different kinds of Trader Joe’s Gingerbread Cookies recently, and I enjoyed these Fiber One bars more. No joke!
The biggest complaint I can muster is that I want the icing to be vanilla white and drawn as a gigantic happy face atop the bar. Also, maybe they’re a little chalky? Whatever. I love them.
A must buy, head to your nearest Costco and pick up a box before they’ve gone for the winter. And please pick me up a magazine or something. I’m gonna be in here for a while.
Eating 38 Fiber One Bars by Yourself Rating: 8 out of 10
Having Tiny Gingerbread Men Help You Shit Rating: 10 out of 10
Overall Rating: 9.5 out of 10
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Fiber one bars don’t affect me the same way Fiber One cereal does though…
I can’t say I’ve ever had the cereal bars; I’ve just tried all the chewy 90 calorie bars.
For some reason, I can’t see the comment I left OR your reply – Facebook is such a cockblocking, clamjamming douchecanoe.
Haha, I can see them both! Are you definitely logged in on Facebook in the browser you’re viewing my site? Here is my response verbatim:
“I giggle every time I go on RedTube and I’m 30! Thanks Morgan! I will continue to be a unicorn if you promise to stick around.”
Yeah, I’ve tried ALL OF THE THINGS. Either way, thank you for the copy-pasta. AND with that comment, you have a new resident commenter. *settles into squidgy armchair with a glass of Laphroaig and an Amazon window open searching frantically because we can’t get a lot of these treats in Australia, damnit, WHY DOES NO ONE SHIP HEEEEEERRRRRRREEEEEEEEEE*
Comments make this site look cooler than it is. Your patronage is valued. If I ever fail to respond, just assume I’m drunk and in a ditch somewhere. Or at work. And I would help you out but I once did a snack exchange to Australia and my shipping cost was $90. I’m retiring.
…What if I offered to send you Tim Tams?
That was part of my snack exchange – I got five different flavors. But if I do another one you will be the first person contacted.