Have you guys heard that rice makes you fat?
Sure, maybe not if you eat the recommended serving size, but such a thing does not exist in this country.
The quickest weight gain I’ve ever experienced was when I had free access to a rice cooker. My roommate was Filipino and at the risk of sounding racist, he sure could put down a whole lot of rice. Rice was ALWAYS ready for us… even when I felt like nobody set the rice cooker, there was somehow always fresh rice waiting for us inside.
Need a side dish? Rice!
Craving Mac & Cheese? Rice and cheese!
Out of Rice Krispies? Rice and milk!
Word got to Little Debbie that carbs will kill you, so she replaced the rice in Star Crunch with some healthy fats to go with all the bad fats.
Little Debbie Peanut Clusters
Little Debbie Peanut Clusters! These things look like Star Crunch on steroids, but I’m just gonna assume they’re healthier because they have peanuts and there’s no rice.
So do you wanna hear what healthy eating looks like? According to Little Debbie, it’s fudge-dipped salted caramel & peanut cookies. The back of the box even says it: peanuts are legumes and are considered vegetables! It goes on to recommend Little Debbie Nutty Buddy bars, Peanut Butter Creme Pies, Peanut Butter Crunch Bars, and these new Little Debbie Peanut Clusters. It literally says: “celebrate the all-American peanut and enjoy its sustainability and nutrition.”
Don’t gotta tell me twice!
A Little Debbie Peanut Salad.
Little Debbie Peanut Clusters weigh in at 320 healthy calories with 28g of heart-healthy sugar. The entire cookie is enrobed in antioxidant-packed chocolate and there’s nutrient-rich peanuts throbbing out the top.
My first bite from the side is a good one. Little Debbie Peanut Clusters are texturally fantastic with a soft chocolate exterior, a gooey caramel filling, and a crumbly whole grain oat cookie center.
The taste of Little Debbie Peanut Clusters is superb too. The cookie inside isn’t a peanut butter cookie, but the peanuts on top add an authentic crunchy peanut butter flavor to trick you into thinking so.
The caramel has some saltiness that pairs beautifully with the sweet chocolate to satisfy that sweet & salty thing people go nuts for.
I’m in love – it’s like the best parts of a Snickers, Milky Way, and Twix combined. A higher quality chocolate and a little more salt would be the only things necessary to make these perfect.
Little Debbie Peanut Clusters are outstanding, and with no rice whatsoever, you will probably lose weight eatings lots of them.
White Rice and Milk Rating: 3 out of 10
Convincing Yourself Junk Food is Healthy Rating: 9 out of 10
Overall Rating: 9 out of 10
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I don’t know if Jenny Craig is still in business, but Little Debbie may have just killed her with this new “health food.” And if J.C. is still around, her and every other protein-pushing, fortifying, vitamin-enhancing, full-of-fiber food product/company better offer you a job as their next spokesperson. When I read, “don’t gotta tell me twice,” I LOL. Once again, your killin’ it, Junk Banter. Made my day.
Fun fact: Jenny Craig (the company) was sold to Nestle in 2006, but they sold it a decade later. I guess chocolate makers aren’t fit for running a weight loss empire. Doesn’t bode well for Lil’ Debs…