From the perspective of the manufacturer, the beauty of Oreos is that we will buy them no matter what the hell flavor they put out.
Do you guys remember Swedish Fish Oreos? Don’t think for a second that Nabisco didn’t know exactly what they were doing. The Oreos sounded gross, so we bought them to:
- Confirm how gross they were.
- Have our friends and coworkers confirm how gross they were.
- Post them on Facebook to confirm how gross we all are.
It was a bit of a flex move by Oreo (“We’ve really got our consumers by the balls”) mixed with a dash of marketing genius. I despised Swedish Fish Oreos but you know what? I still have an unopened pack in my freezer that I bought with my own money after knowing I hated them so that thirty years from now, I can gross myself out one last time.
Hell, it’s not just the disgusting flavors that this applies to. We don’t even need to KNOW what the flavor is! We’re going to buy them anyway.
Mystery Oreos 2019
Case in point: Mystery Oreos 2019.
Double case in point: Mystery Oreos 2017 were one of my least favorite Oreos of all-time, and yet here we are again… staring face first at cookies that could be rat-turd flavored Oreos for all we know. The 2017 edition was a Fruity Pebbles flavored creme which may have been a tougher mystery had they not just released Fruity Crisp Oreos a year prior (the smell alone was a dead giveaway). The mystery edition put them on a chocolate wafer, however, and the end result was terrible.
They, too, occupy a space in my freezer.
Nabisco has made the mystery more fun this year by printing three clues across three different packages of these Mystery Oreos, with the promise of more clues to come weekly over at MysteryOreo.com for a total of eight clues. If you’re a total psychopath, you can even talk about Oreos with your Amazon Alexa using the built-in Oreo skill to get clues. Solve the mystery and you’ll be entered for a chance to $50,000
At this point I’m far more interested in solving the mystery than I am in the cookie itself… so much so that I’m going to attempt to solve it with the clues before I even eat the cookies.
WARNING: POTENTIAL ACTUAL SPOILERS FOLLOW.
Clue #1
Its name it stole
and history kept.
Perhaps from a creature
that lives on a steppe?
The saiga antelope is a critically endangered species that lives in the steppes – the arid grasslands that encompass parts of Eastern Europe and most of Central Asia.
Saigon is the former name of Ho Chi Minh City in Vietnam. It was renamed after the Fall of Saigon that concluded the Vietnam War. Because of its historical significance, many still refer to it as Saigon.
Saigon Cinnamon, anyone?
Clue #2
Pairs well with chocolate,
hence why we chose it.
We’ll keep the suspense
’til everyone knows it.
F*ck that; you didn’t think about what paired well with chocolate when you did Fruity Pebbles as the mystery flavor…
Anyway, cinnamon pairs well with chocolate.
Clue #3
History is divided
on how this came to exist.
A shepherd? A sailor?
There’s no easy fix.
At this point I just started thinking about cinnamon desserts and researching them…
From Wikipedia:
The origin of churros is unclear. One theory suggests they were brought to Europe from China by the Portuguese. The Portuguese sailed for the Orient and, as they returned from Ming-dynastyChina to Portugal, they brought along with them new culinary techniques […].
Another theory is that the churro was made by Spanish shepherds, to substitute for fresh bakery goods.
Boom. The answer is totally, probably churros.
Of course if two of the clues point to cinnamon and the third clue IS CHURROS, why do I need five more clues released over 50 days to figure out that the mystery flavor is Churros?
The cookies TOTALLY smell like cinnamon. Could be just straight cinnamon, cinnamon rolls, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, or hmm idk how about churros?
The creme totally TASTES like cinnamon too. It’s also very sweet, because there is a lot of sugar in Oreo creme. Cinnamon sugar, you say? Bet it’s churros.
Now paired with the cookie, I’m actually getting a fun, unexpected twist. The crunchy cookie kind of makes these taste like Cinnamon Teddy Grahams. Even though there’s cocoa in the wafers, the floury cookie component combines with the cinnamon sugar creme (*cough* CHURROS *cough*) to bring a graham crackery component reminiscent of a childhood favorite: Cinnamon Teddy Grahams.
There’s a bit of a bitter aftertaste I don’t love, but it’s otherwise a perfectly acceptable cookie.
We can deduce from 2017’s Fruity Pebble Mystery Oreos that the chocolate cookie likely doesn’t play a role in the final answer, so any guess related to cinnamon is plausible from the taste. Couple that with the three clues I totally solved, and all signs point to churros.
Alexa… where the f*ck is my $50,000?
Odds I Win $50,000: 0 out of 10
Odds I Can Ever Afford to Own An Amazon Alexa Anything: 0.5 out of 10
Overall Rating: 7 out of 10
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i am guessing that the mystery oreo flavor is cream cheese flavored
How about sitting by a campfire and heating up smores
{ SMORES }