Forget leaving him a plate of cookies; this year I’m pelting Santa with M&M’s…

Sugar Cookie M&M’s

Look, traditions be damned in this wild ass year. Quite frankly, I’m kinda pissed at Santa Claus for not coming sooner to deliver some joy when we desperately needed it most. So this year? As soon as his fat ass comes down the chimney, I’m gonna toss him a mask, tell him to stand six feet away from me, and just f*cking launch Sugar Cookie M&M’s at him while I unleash nine months of rage and anxiety. It’s the greatest gift he can give me.

But before I do that? Yeah, of COURSE I’m going to stress eat a ton of these Sugar Cookie M&M’s – whether they’re good or not. Don’t worry; I’ve got a big pile to eat and another bigger pile as ammo.

Sugar Cookie M&M’s are essentially Crispy M&M’s but with a white chocolate sugar cookie flavored shell.

Okay, so my first thoughts are exactly half-way between “I’m going to eat too many of these” and “I can’t wait to pelt Santa with these.” For those that like their candies incredibly sweet, Sugar Cookie M&M’s are exactly that. I really enjoy the crispy component to these, as it feels especially fitting for a sugar cookie flavor.

But does it taste like sugar cookie?

Ehhh… I’m not so sure.

I think that I do get some hints of sugar cookie in here. But I also get some strong reminders of the Candy Corn M&M’s. This may be wonderful news to many because I think the Candy Corn M&M’s have a pretty sizable fan cub, but for me they always tasted like they had a weird artificial funk.

I might also be crazy (MIGHT?!), but I’m really convinced that I saw some sparkly sugar crystals on the inside with the cookie. If true, this would serve absolutely no utility at all but would qualify as a nice touch, I guess? It would be pretty cool (and great news for dentist) if they just covered the whole damn outside with sugar crystals.

I don’t know if I’m on Santa’s nice list or naughty list, but all I’m saying is he better come wielding body armor this year.

Burning Questions:

1. Why are you taking it out on Santa? Because it’s been a long f*cking year.
2. Do you think Santa will wear a mask this year? He better; he’s high risk.
3. The mask protects you, not him. Ok, Dr. Fauci.

Place of Purchase: Mars’ website.

Rating: 6.5 out of 10

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