It’s getting harder and harder to come up with intros. After like, 100 reviews and 100,000 calories consumed, there’s just not a lot of room for pretending anymore. Tonight, I’m going to eat some Tastykake Gingerbread Kandy Kakes because I’m a fatass and I want to.
The more I think about it, I can’t recall eating many gingerbread flavored cakes. Like most normal people, my vehicle of choice for all things gingerbread is the cookie (including the outstanding Gingerbread Oreo). Are gingerbread cakes a thing? And if they aren’t, why aren’t they? You figure a gingerbread spice cake and vanilla frosting would work wonderfully since gingerbread cookies are often iced anyway. Maybe it is already a thing and I’m just dumb (there’s actually no maybe about that second part), but my fat gingerbread face is about to experience something entirely new with these Tastykake Gingerbread Flavored Kandy Kakes. Let’s just dive right into it because I’m going to have a heart attack if I don’t eat again soon.
Tastykake Gingerbread Kandy Kakes are described as white confectionary coated gingerbread cakes with creme filling. I’ve had to publish the words “creme filling” so many times on this blog that I wouldn’t blame you for calling 911 and reporting “some idiot whose slowly killing himself without realizing it.” A) I fully realize it and B) Tell them to pick me up at Dairy Queen because I ain’t goin without a fight and a DQ Blizzard. An arduous scan of the lengthy ingredient list reveals that Tastykake Gingerbread Kandy Kakes do at least contain cinnamon, nutmeg, and molasses, as well as just “spices.” Ginger isn’t identified at all, but who the hell cares? I NEED CREME FILLING NOW.
That hourglass is my dwindling life expectancy.
Cutting the cake (FINALLY), I’m greeted with a prevalent gingerbread aroma. Dammit…let me just put these in my hospital tote bag right now because these taste great. The spice presence is massive in these Tastykake Gingerbread Kandy Kakes, yet are still mellowed appropriately by the lethal injection of sugar from both the sweet coating and the creme. Don’t be scared off by “lethal injection.” If death is this delicious, let’s just all cross over together. We can eat more of these Kandy Kakes in Heaven (or pumpkin spice mallows if we end up in Hell).
Though heavy in both spice and sugar, Tastykake got the balance right. They certainly taste like gingerbread, and the textures are playful. You’ve got a crisp, hardened shell reminding you of stiff icing on a gingerbread cookie, a soft & light cake beneath it, and just a touch of creme to blend it all together. Cinnamon, nutmeg, and ginger all come through in fairly equal dosages. The hyper sweet element is going to land in the artificial realm, but nothing to complain about if your expectations were appropriate. My expectations? A fatter, gingerbread version of me.
Fills Your Heart with Joy Rating: 9 out of 10
Fills Your Heart with Creme Rating: 7 out of 10
Overall Rating: 8 out of 10
