You know when you can be certain that you literally don’t even give a shit anymore? It’s the moment you make a conscious decision to buy this exact product.

The Cookie Dough Cafe Edible Cookie Dough

The Cookie Dough Cafe Edible Cookie Dough is a novel, exciting new way to just completely mail in this whole nutrition thing.

So how exactly did we get here? Well, we all eat raw cookie dough when we’re baking cookies – don’t pretend you’re above it. But apparently, doing so is not recommended by physicians for lots of reasons. Pick one.

Sisters Joan Pacetti and Julia Schmidv, the masterminds behind this new witchcraft, were so determined to safely consume raw cookie dough that they formulated a product and pitched it on Episode 502 of “Shark Tank,” where it got a YES!, because it’s edible cookie dough.

The Cookie Dough Cafe is very clear about one thing – just shut up and eat it. Not only is baking discouraged, it actually wouldn’t work well because it’s missing some key ingredients like baking soda, and patience. It’s also missing eggs –  a big reason you can safely consume it with a spoon just as you would ice cream. No preservatives either; it’s instantly frozen and must remain in your fridge until you’re ready to eat it (yes, there are actually some rules here). It remains fresh in the freezer up to a year and in the refrigerator up to 12 weeks from purchase date, which will likely be tomorrow if you’re just now hearing about it for the first time.

The Cookie Dough Cafe Edible Cookie Dough is currently offered in 5 varieties:

1. Chocolate Chip
2. Naked Dough (Go on…)
3. Oreo
4. Confetti
5. Gluten Free Oatmeal Chocolate Chip

I opted for the Oreo today, because Oreos.

Welp, this is an easy review. This stuff has all the sugar, all the grit, and all the shame as the cookie dough you might put together at home if you weren’t such a lazy ass.

The base is excellent, with a nice brown sugar flavor. It has a richness that almost reminds me of cream cheese (think cookie dip), but I actually think it’s just the butter. I enjoy butter – a lot.

The dough is a thick mofo straight from the fridge, but softens when left out a bit. It’s basically ice cream without ever reaching that same level of smooth creaminess.

The Oreos add a slight amount of chocolate flavor, but they soften to the same texture of the rest of the cookie dough and get somewhat lost in the shuffle. You can’t really taste their creme, which is the only bummer about this stuff.

I also tried their Monster flavor on a separate occasion:

The base on Monster is even better – something between a peanut butter cookie dough and a chocolate chip cookie dough. The peanut butter is most prevalent here. The chocolate chips and M&M’s (actual name brand M&M’s, just smaller) work exactly as expected, adding your required dose of chocolate and providing a greater degree of contrast than the Oreos did.

I also tried the Confetti flavor on a third occasion. I guess I really like the stuff…

The Confetti flavor has a more unique base where the vanilla and straight sugar shine. The sprinkles add that candy sweetness that everyone loves in flavors like this one. The Monster flavor still reigns supreme.

Here’s the only thing about Cookie Dough Cafe’s Edible Cookie Dough: it has one purpose and one purpose only (spoon into face). It’s an incredible experience for a time, but at some point as you stare down into a rapidly disappearing jar of sugar and cookies and candy, you can’t help but feel like you’ve made some poor decisions along this road we call life. The huge jar would make a GREAT purchase to share with loved ones or roommates. But if you shop for one and blog about it in your basement, you might grow tired of eating it. Maybe not, though…

Nah, definitely not. Some flavors are available in single-serve cups, but let’s be real now…

Shark Tank Rating: YES out of 10
Recommended by Nutritionists: NO out of 10
Overall Rating: 8.5 out of 10

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