Man, the word “butterscotch” is such a tease. It SHOULD mean tasty whiskey that’s mixed with copious amounts of butter. I can imagine Harry Potter drinking it once he’s grown up and gotten tired of butterbeer. Instead, “butterscotch” basically means “fancy caramel.” Luckily, it also means deliciousness: butterscotch is often overlooked because it’s the reigning champ of Grandma’s Stale Pocket Candies, but it’s seriously one of the most decadent flavors I can think of. It’s a more sophisticated version of your classic caramel flavor. I’m not sure why butterscotch doesn’t get more play, but these Trader Joe’s Butterscotch Shortbread Wreath Cookies are a step in the right direction.

I was super excited to try these cookies, because shortbread and butterscotch are two seemingly simple flavors that can really blow you away with their richness and depth. The beautiful tin was wasted on me, though, as I did not have a fancy party or sexy rendezvous to attend. (I am pretty sure that butterscotch cookies are an acceptable currency for both of those events.)

Inside the tin, the cookies come in two plastic-wrapped sleeves. The first thing I noticed–with extreme delight–is that these cookies are THICK, yo. Nice and substantial, like what I assume British people eat along with their tea and strumpets. I’ve complained about cookie thicknesses in the past (and you wonder why I have no sexy rendezvous to attend…), but these cookies are perfectly proportioned. I’m not shallow, though–these cookies may be attractive on the outside, but it’s ultimately what’s inside that counts.

Okay, their insides are really attractive too. The shortbread is exactly what I hoped for: it’s dense and crumbly, with a ton of buttery goodness. I was surprised to see that the serving size (two cookies) only contains 5g of sugar, because even though butter is the star here, there’s definitely a satisfying amount of sweetness. There are soooo many butterscotch chips inside, and every bite has a really satisfying crunch to it. The butterscotch also adds in brown sugar and vanilla flavors, which is a match made in cookie heaven. There’s even a light sprinkling of cane sugar crystals on top, giving a touch of sweetness and even more texture. The shape of the cookie comes back into play here too, because it’s super fun to nibble along the ebb and flow of the wreath. As tasty as this cookie is, it was easy to savor and make one last for a while.

If anyone from this review deserves to be invited to a sexy rendezvous, it’s Trader Joe’s Butterscotch Shortbread Wreath Cookies. The absolute only drawback I can think of is the price ($6). I wish they offered a non-tin option so I could stock up without breaking the bank, because these cookies are incredible. I’m going to eat them British style (aka for breakfast), but I think they’d pair well with dark beer, most wines, and all Christmas-themed movie marathons. All in all, Trader Joe’s Butterscotch Shortbread Wreath Cookies are a must-try for anyone who appreciates the simple yet devastatingly seductive side of holiday-themed treats.

Amount of Sexy Rendezvous I’ve Actually Been To: 0 out of 10
Likelihood of Me Watching “Love Actually” By Myself Tonight: 8 out of 10
Overall Rating: 9.5 out of 10