REVIEW: Cookies & Screeem M&M’s

I scream, you scream, we all scream for… cookies? 😱

Cookies & Screeem M&M's

Oh, don’t act like you haven’t.

New Cookies & Screeem M&M’s are here, and a Scream hasn’t looked this good since 1996 when Neve Campbell taught me what a boner was on the Big Screen.

Cookies & Screeem M&M’s are a Target exclusive release in preparation for Halloween 2017. The entire Internet let out a collective scream for these bad boys when a fat guy named Junk Banter discovered these on a routine snack hunt. Why all the buzz? Because the package features a horrified Red balancing a tower of chocolate cookie sandwiches in his palm, the threat of ghosts looming in the shadows behind him. I’d be that frightened too if ghosts (or anyone) tried stealing my Oreos…

But the bigger picture: we now have Oreo-flavored M&M’s.

Cookies & Screeem M&M's

Cookies & Screeem M&M’s

Cookies & Screeem M&M’s feature a combination a dark chocolate and white chocolate, a concept we’ve flirted with before. Easter Sundae M&M’s used a combination of milk and white chocolates, while Hot Chocolate M&M’s and Double Chocolate M&M’s used the combo of milk and dark. Of course this is all some spooky foreplay for the Triple Chocolate M&M’s coming this winter, which will feature a threesome of milk, white, and dark.

Because every good thriller has a good sex scene.

If you’re shouting “bullshit” already, there’s something else to consider. Yeah the tandem of dark and white chocolate alone doesn’t equate automatically to an Oreo flavor, but Cookies & Screeem M&M’s also contain additional artificial and natural flavors – something the standard White Chocolate M&M’s and standard Dark Chocolate M&M’s do not. Presumably, Mars did a little extra work here to get the flavor right.

So let’s all give them a fair chance before the car won’t start, we get no cell phone reception, and our hot blonde friend gets murdered in cold blood.

Cookies & Screeem M&M's

I wonder if Neve Campbell thinks M&M art is sexy.

It turns out some of your fears are legitimate – the biggest flavor I got was standard dark chocolate. This fact came as a surprise considering the majority of the M&M uses white, but this order of operations is truer for cookies & creme and the final landing spot is a tasty one. The white chocolate mellows out the bitter traits in the dark, and you’re left with a “creamy dark chocolate” flavor on your tastebuds. Truth be told, though, Oreos never danced through my brain while eating them.

Cookies & Screeem M&M's

It wasn’t until moments after eating them, when I completely forgot was I was doing, that I had to ask myself: “Did I just eat an Oreo?”  The aftertaste snuck up on me and fooled me into thinking I just consumed a cookie and not an M&M. It was a neat Halloween trick, though it surfaces a little too late to really make the actual experience of eating them that more much enjoyable. What would have been really fun is if Mars had experimented with chocolate cookie bits within the white chocolate core, or tried applying both chocolates to the Crispy M&M’s. Is anyone listening? I can scream it if you want.

In summary, Cookies & Screeem M&M’s are like all the best slasher films –  kind of a letdown, but we love them anyway.

Neve Campbell’s Boner-Inducing Ability in 1996: 8 out of 10
How Likely the Hot Blonde Is To Die First In Every Horror Film Rating: 10 out of 10
Overall Rating: 7 out of 10

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2 Responses

  1. william says:

    I live in Mobile ,Al.I can’t find these m&Ms in stores anywhere here.the m&m Mars corp told me they have them at Target,not here they don’t.can anyone tell me where I can buy these?

    • Junk Male says:

      It is in fact a Target exclusive item. When your Target stores put our their full Halloween stocks in the seasonal aisle, this should be located there or at checkout.

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