REVIEW: Nabisco Mystery Oreos
- How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?
- Why did they discontinue Dunkaroos?
- Will anyone EVER tell me what the hell the White Airhead is?
Tonight we try to solve the 4th greatest mystery in the history of junk food.
Nabisco Mystery Oreos!
There have been so many Oreos released in the last few months that they all might as well be Mystery Oreos – I don’t know which is which and I can’t be certain what the heck I’m eating anymore.
If you correctly guess the Mystery Oreo flavor, you have a chance to win $50,000, which would barely offset the amount of money I’ve spent on new Oreos in the past year alone.
The Mystery Oreos feature the normal chocolate wafers and a white creme. Based on appearance and everything I know about Oreos, my guess for the flavor is “vanilla.”
But for Oreo-obsessed lunatics like myself, and probably anyone else reading a blog devoted to one guy’s cookie opinions, opening the package leaves little mystery. The scent is strongly that of last year’s Fruity Crisp Oreos, so much so that it masks the scent of the chocolate wafers subbing in.
I twisted one apart and licked myself some mystery, and it truly did taste just like the creme in Fruity Crisp (Fruity Pebbles). The only differences I could detect are the absence of any fruity cereal pieces, and that the creme is Double Stuf quantity.
Welp, that was easy… where do I pick up my $50,000?
Now as far as the actual review, these cookies are awful. We all loved the Fruity Crisp Oreos (I gave them a 10 out of 10 after all), but this creme belongs nowhere near the cocoa wafers. It’s a disjointed, bitter, fruity mouth explosion with an unsettling aftertaste that’s not worthy of repeat snacking.
Of course they could have a brand new name like Fruity Candy, Cereal Milk, or Unicorn Farts Oreos, but any differences in taste are immaterial aside from the fact that I absolutely hate it on the chocolate wafer.
Nabisco should have just brought back the stellar Fruity Crisp Oreos on the golden wafers, and made this mystery harder to solve with a brand new flavor. Or at least one that wasn’t this similar…
Whatever they end up calling it, the bottom line is they can’t fool me.
I feel like a Fat Sherlock Holmes.
How Many Licks It Takes To Get To The Center of a Tootsie Pop Rating: ?? out of 10
Unicorn Farts Rating: 8 out of 10
Overall Rating: 4 out of 10
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