1. How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?
  2. Why did they discontinue Dunkaroos?
  3. Will anyone EVER tell me what the hell the White Airhead is?

Tonight we try to solve the 4th greatest mystery in the history of junk food.

Nabisco Mystery Oreos

Nabisco Mystery Oreos!

There have been so many Oreos released in the last few months that they all might as well be Mystery Oreos – I don’t know which is which and I can’t be certain what the heck I’m eating anymore.

If you correctly guess the Mystery Oreo flavor, you have a chance to win $50,000, which would barely offset the amount of money I’ve spent on new Oreos in the past year alone.

The Mystery Oreos feature the normal chocolate wafers and a white creme. Based on appearance and everything I know about Oreos, my guess for the flavor is “vanilla.”

Nabisco Mystery Oreos

Nabisco Mystery Oreos

But for Oreo-obsessed lunatics like myself, and probably anyone else reading a blog devoted to one guy’s cookie opinions, opening the package leaves little mystery. The scent is strongly that of last year’s Fruity Crisp Oreos, so much so that it masks the scent of the chocolate wafers subbing in.

I twisted one apart and licked myself some mystery, and it truly did taste just like the creme in Fruity Crisp (Fruity Pebbles). The only differences I could detect are the absence of any fruity cereal pieces, and that the creme is Double Stuf quantity.

Welp, that was easy… where do I pick up my $50,000?

Nabisco Mystery Oreos

Now as far as the actual review, these cookies are awful. We all loved the Fruity Crisp Oreos (I gave them a 10 out of 10 after all), but this creme belongs nowhere near the cocoa wafers. It’s a disjointed, bitter, fruity mouth explosion with an unsettling aftertaste that’s not worthy of repeat snacking.

Of course they could have a brand new name like Fruity Candy, Cereal Milk, or Unicorn Farts Oreos, but any differences in taste are immaterial aside from the fact that I absolutely hate it on the chocolate wafer.

Nabisco should have just brought back the stellar Fruity Crisp Oreos on the golden wafers, and made this mystery harder to solve with a brand new flavor. Or at least one that wasn’t this similar…

Whatever they end up calling it, the bottom line is they can’t fool me.

I feel like a Fat Sherlock Holmes.

How Many Licks It Takes To Get To The Center of a Tootsie Pop Rating: ?? out of 10
Unicorn Farts Rating: 8 out of 10
Overall Rating: 4 out of 10

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9 Responses

  1. xdestitutex says:

    I’m sorry to hear, that those Mystery Oeros aren’t for your tastebuds Chris 🙁
    Though it makes me even more convinced, that the key to this “puzzle” is actually the wafer.
    Every review i read so far is saying, that they oeros and especially the creme smells and taste so much like the Fruity Crisp Oreo, that Nabisco must had something in mind using the cocoa wafers. 🙂

    I’m so curious about the final answer form Nabisco. Thanks for the review! 🙂

    • Junk Male says:

      It’s quite alright! I don’t think they were going for the most enjoyable flavor with this particular cookie. The entire appeal of this promotion is sitting in a room with a bunch of people sharing your guesses and second-guessing yourself. The chocolate wafer is probably just a masking agent, and they wanted it to look exactly like the classic Oreo. I can’t wait to see what they end up calling it!

  2. Sheila says:

    Gonna have to add to the “gross” consensus. No one in my office likes them. One guy guessed Lysol. I found that the flavor kept changing til I settled on Pez.

    • Junk Male says:

      Pez-type candy crossed my mind at one point. Of the 15 coworkers I asked, 14 of them said Fruity Pebbles or Fruit Loops and they weren’t given any clues beforehand. Many said it as soon as they smelt it. One said tangerine, but he had just finished spaghetti.

  3. Steve from Royal Oak, MI says:

    Tasted a bit like the old licorice gum that I spit out as a kid. I spit this Oreo out too. Mediciney

  4. fran Bevis says:

    After tasting the center filling I’ve come to two conclusions. I hate them and you should never mix a great cookie recipe with a great cereal. I believe the mystery taste is Fruity Pebbles.

  5. Joey says:

    I thought these were actually delicious. The flavor is pretty obviously just fruit loops, but I really love the flavor. It’s just an exact copy of fruit loops in the chocolate wafer. And I’m so happy they used the chocolate wafer for this one instead of the oversweet, boring, stupid golden wafers.

  6. Paula says:

    Tasted like those nasty orange slice candy to me. With a bitter chocolate after taste!! Nasty