You go out partying with the Cap’n. You have a few too many drinks, crash on his boat, and wake up next to a late 18th-century naval captain the next morning.
Your memory is fuzzy, but you know exactly what you’ve done…
At least he made you breakfast.
Cap’n Crunch’s Blueberry Pancake Crunch
Cap’n Crunch’s Blueberry Pancake Crunch is the first we’re hearing from the Cap’n since his brief stint as an ice cream man last summer. Now, normally when a guy who sells ice cream to minors invites you to breakfast, you decline. However, this is Cap’n Freak’n Crunch we’re talking about. That creepy old bastard can do whatever he wants and I’ll support him.
Because I sold ice cream to minors too.
By his standards, Cap’n Crunch’s Blueberry Pancake Crunch is some real gourmet shit. I mean, blueberry pancakes? His last two endeavors were orange creamsicles and caramel popcorn. I fear this is above the captain’s pay grade.
But I gotta support the Cap’n…
A whiff of Cap’n Crunch’s Blueberry Pancake Crunch brings strong hints of maple syrup. Surprisingly though, my first handful is all blueberry. Not even an artificial blueberry… there’s an impressively blueberry flavor that I find delightful. Sure they’re sweeter than real blueberries, but the Cap’n deserves commendation for the flavor profile he achieved. These aren’t just normal Crunch Berries. In fact, I think that I like this flavor more than the Blueberry Tiny Toast. This is particularly fascinating because the former used real blueberry powder and Cap’n Crunch only uses pirate magic.
The off-white, tannish pieces in Cap’n Crunch’s Blueberry Pancake Crunch are subtly flavored with maple. The maple flavor isn’t quite as strong as the scent, but they’re sweet and tasty with hints of caramel, brown sugar, and corn. Even these pieces could carry themselves if served alone. I wish they were a little more buttery, but I say that about almost everything.
Cap’n Crunch’s Blueberry Pancake Crunch performs great in milk, too. The fruity sweetness of the blueberry intensifies. The maple flavor fades only a little as the flavor of the corn comes through more prominently, but the softened chewy texture did a great job helping the whole “pancake” vibe. I inhaled this cereal and I love it.
In summary, this was completely worth getting f*cked by the Cap’n.
Partying with Cap’n Crunch Rating: 9 out of 10
Pancakes After Sex Rating: 10 out of 10
Overall Rating: 8.5 out of 10
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What’s better than a pancake dinner? A faux pancake dinner that doesn’t leave me with a gross griddle to make someone else clean. The smell was more delicious than the taste and I was left wishing I’d spent the night with Mr. Lucky Charms (special edition green St. Patty’s Day) rather than the Cap’n. This was definitely a one-night stand. But I did enjoy finding 8 things on the box that rhyme with “blue,” even though it was really 7 because two of their entries were “shoe” (horse shoe and regular shoe). I decided to call the purple cow a “moo,” therefore alleviating the cognitive dissonance.