“Sure was a quiet year for Pop-Tarts,”  I recently said to nobody in particular at the close of 2017.

Pop-Tarts has long been a brand that celebrates the seasons, championing limited edition flavors while being unafraid to take risks. When I first started Junk Banter, it quickly became clear that they were ready to just throw a whole bunch of shit at the wall and see what sticks. They started 2016 strong with super-trendy Maple Bacon Pop-Tarts. They then began an inexplicable transition to drinks, from Pink Lemonade to Orange Crush to A&W Root Beer, before returning to a safe-but-smart seasonal with Caramel Apple. Finally, they announced two Dunkin’ Donuts flavors at the cusp of winter. It was a busy year for Pop-Tarts.

So what did they do in 2017? Three Jolly-Rancher flavored Pop-Tarts. Woof.

In stark contrast, their first release of 2018 is a flavor we actually do want to suck on.

Kellogg’s Frosted Strawberry Milkshake Pop Tarts

Regrouping and focusing on flavors that people actually want to consume, Kellogg’s has brought back a popular flavor from the past: Frosted Strawberry Milkshake Pop-Tarts.

It’s been five years since Strawberry Milkshake was dearly departed. In a press release, Kellogg’s called Frosted Strawberry Milkshake Pop-Tarts their most highly requested flavor amongst fans on social media. I never tried them last time around, so I’m giddy to see what all these idiots were clamoring about.

And I get it, instantly.

The morons were right: these Pop Tarts are fabulous!

Since Frosted Strawberry Pop Tarts have long been a thing, Kellogg’s really needed to deliver on the ice cream side of the Strawberry Milkshake equation. They did; this strawberry flavor is so much creamier and sweeter than the jammy, authentic strawberry filling of the Strawberry Pop Tarts. It’s artificial in a good way – the kind of science you need to make something inside a pastry taste like ice cream. But thanks to real strawberry powder and actual strawberry juice concentrate, the strawberry never strays too far from its roots.

The filling seems thicker than most, and I’m in love with it.

Normally I think people who freeze their Pop Tarts are buffoons, but since Kellogg’s recommended it AND it actually makes sense for a milkshake flavor, I played along. I will admit this filling shines even more from the freezer. The chill improves the ice creaminess in both taste and texture, though chewing some frozen lifeless dough is still a little off-putting to me.

Frosted Strawberry Milkshake Pop Tarts  are also excellent out of the toaster oven. It seems counter-intuitive (milkshakes should not and cannot be toasted), but this filling is so damn good that it also pairs finely with browned dough, which is how I generally prefer my Pop Tarts. These are as versatile as a Pop Tart can get.

I’m not sure why Kellogg’s discontinued these in the first place – probably because dingbats like me didn’t buy them – but they did us a great service bringing them back. The people spoke loudly, and Kellogg’s responded.

Good job, you nincompoops!

Calling People Idiots for No Reason Rating: Really Fun out of 10
Eating Anything That Isn’t a Jolly Rancher Pop Tart: 10 out of 10
Overall Rating: 9 out of 10

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