After reviewing nearly 40 different protein bars and over 10 different Oreos in Junk Banters short life, it doesnt take an Arnold Schwarzenegger to see that my fitness has reached an Elite level. My lifts have been insane. In just seven months, Ive added a whopping 20 lbs to my max bench at the expense of only 100 lbs of fat tacked onto my core. Fitness, people! It aint rocket science. Eat for abs, or something.
My protein game needs to catchup to my massive gains in the gym, which means its time to go Elite. Lets see if Chef Robert Irvines Fit Elite Bars are a worthy snack for this Fitness God:
Unlike Chef Robert Irvines Fit Crunch Bars, which have the same macros as a full cow, Chef Robert Irvines Fit Elite Bars are only 180 calories with 20g of protein, 5g of fat, and 24g of carbs. To boot, they only use 2g of sugar. Excellent nutritional profile here. Chef Robert Irvines Fite Elite Bars are advertised as gluten-free soft-baked cookie bars made with whey protein isolate. They use isomalto-oligosaccaharides (or IMOs for dumbasses like me) as the prebiotic fiber source for the 15g of dietary fiber crammed into into each bar, something that should make Quest Bar junkies nostalgic. But will they give me the strength to do an unassisted pull-up for the first time in my life? Tonight, we find out.
The newest flavor that has Instagram abuzz is Chef Robert Irvines Fit Elite Birthday Cake bars, so Im going to make you wait until the end of the review to cover it.
Chef Robert Irvines Fit Elite Cookie Dough is incredibly soft and slightly sticky. This is the softest, most pliable protein bar Ive encountered as of this writing (more on that, later). Fit Elite Cookie Dough advertises large chocolate chunks on the front of the package, and there are indeed large chocolate chunks that taste awesome because they are large chunks of chocolate. Problem is, there arent many of them. Fit Elite Cookie Dough uses unsweetened chocolate, cocoa butter, and natural flavor to taste the way it does. This bar is alright, but it isnt elite on cookie dough flavor. Its a little salty like a cookie, but it aint that sweet and it aint that buttery. Chef Robert Irvines Fit Elite Cookie Dough tastes like cookie dough in the same way a cookie dough-flavored salt water taffy tastes like cookie dough. This just doesnt stack up anywhere close to Quest Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough (my #2 Quest Bar) or Combat Crunch Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ().
0-for-2 Rating: .000 out of 10
Tastes Like Taffy Rating: 9 out of 10
Overall Rating: 5.5 out of 10
Uh oh. Heres the best thing I can say about Chef Robert Irvines Fit Elite Cookies N Cream: its one of the worst protein bars Ive ever eaten in my life. On a scale of 0-10, this is Negative Cookies. Not only that, it tastes like you burped up barf. Im throwin all my cards on the table, people. Come at me, reps.
Chef Robert Irvine is a famous chef for crying out loud; this is completely unacceptable. If youre a rep for Fit Crunch or Fit Elite Bars and you tell people Fit Elite Cookies N Cream is uh-maz-ing!, shame on you forever. This bar is disgusting. This is good in the same way that garbage is good to raccoons. How do you possibly screw up cookies n cream in the year 2016? Fit Elite Cookies N Cream is how. Good God. I bought several of these, but Im going to donate the rest. Somewhere, a homeless man is going to agree that this tastes terrible. The only thing saving this is the macros, but its not worth the price of admission: sadness.
Elite Failure Rating: 9 out of 10
Cookies N Barf Rating: 8 out of 10
Overall Rating: 2 out of 10
It was hard to be excited over Robert Irvines Fit Elite Birthday Cake after the other two flavors, but thankfully this is the far superior one. Its not the prettiest protein bar Ive ever seen (its actually one of the ugliest), but this flavor is a good one. Unlike a lot of other birthday cake protein bars, there is no weird lemony, Froot Loopy vibe to speak of. Robert Irvines Fit Elite Birthday Cake is vanilla-forward with a floury taste reminiscent of a yellow base-cake. Still not close to Oh Yeah! ONE Birthday Cake (my spirit animal), but I can put down several of these. It doesnt taste artificial at all, so thats a huge plus. Ive got this one right near Combat Crunch Birthday Cake. Though it tastes a lot more like cake than Combat Crunch, its not as sweet nor as indulgent.
Now onto the elephant in the room (other than me). The texture:
Chef Robert Irvines Fit Elite Birthday Cake is the softest of the three, but this is absurd. Protein bars arent supposed to do this. Neither are soft-baked cookies, which these bars advertise a likeness to. Remember how Lenny & Larrys Birthday Cake Complete Cookie tasted exactly like Play-Doh? This bar operates exactly like Play-Doh. Yeah, I get it dont play with your food. But I couldnt help not to when I realized this stretched and molded like pizza dough or sticky tack. This is where Chef Robert Irvines Fit Elite Birthday Cake loses its points for me, but the flavor is solid.
Molds Like Play-Doh Rating: 8 out of 10
Non-toxic Like Play-Doh Rating: 10 out of 10
Overall Rating: 7 out of 10
Bottom Line: Chef Robert Irvines Fit Elite Bars have elite macros but have non-elite flavor. Advertised at 180 calories at 5g of fat, they are a tick below most of the offerings by Quest, OhYeah! ONE, and in these regards. The protein and carbs, however, are nearly identical. The tradeoff in calories for flavor is simply not worth it in my opinion, so unless you have some special dietary concern that these bars satisfy I would look elsewhere 9 times out of 10. Let the 1 time be Fit Elite Birthday Cake, but for the love of The Rock avoid Fit Elite Cookies N Cream at all costs.
Chef Robert Irvines Fit Elite Bars Overall Rating: 5.5 out of 10
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