A beautiful bride, darling kids, and limitless companionship have their benefits, but the one true reason I hope to get married is so that I have a good excuse to buy a 3 foot tall carrot cake.
Though I’m having a helluva time finding the bride, I’ve committed deeply and unconditionally to a carrot cake for my wedding cake. If she’s not cool with this choice, then she is not the woman for me. In fact, my two biggest dealbreakers are when a girl:
- Doesn’t want carrot cake at the wedding.
- Is 100%, flat-out not interested in me at all.
Forget the mashed potato bar, Toots, because we both know damn well there will be an Oreo Bar at my wedding.
Nabisco Carrot Cake Oreos
Ah, f*ck it. Who needs a wife when I have these brand new CARROT CAKE OREOS that have been atop my Oreo Wishlist for my entire adult life!
While I surely enjoy most cakes and don’t hate any, I’ve never considered myself a cake guy. Carrot cake is my asterisk. It is actually my favorite dessert, period, and it’s now paired with my favorite cookie. In fact, Carrot Cake Oreos were my submission to the #MyOreoCreation contest, but instead of winning the $500,000, I only received Kettle Corn Oreos, Pina Colada Oreo Thins, and Cherry Cola Oreos that I didn’t ask for.
I can forgive all of that, however, because Nabisco pulled out all the stops in delivering my dream cookie. Not only are these not limited edition, but they introduce a brand new carrot cake flavored wafer… which will work with exactly one Oreo flavor. The ingredient list reveals graham flour, corn cereal, and spice (they don’t identify which ones).
And what good would a carrot cake be without copious amounts of cream cheese frosting? I’ll never know because I will never go that route, and neither did Nabisco; these things are loaded.
The Carrot Cake Oreos must be at least Double Stuf in girthiness (not a word), and they smell more like carrot cake than I could have ever possibly imagined.
I tried just one of the wafers first and – much as I imagined – they don’t taste exactly like carrot cake. Certainly there’s no carrot, and some of the more detailed ingredients like nuts or raisins or pineapple aren’t present. HOWEVER, it tastes like a well-spiced graham cracker – predominantly cinnamon. It’s a much more flavorful wafer than the graham wafer (Chocolate Peanut Butter Pie Oreos) or the cinnamon wafers (Cinnamon Bun Oreos).
I’m very satisfied by them.
The delicious cream cheese frosting is the same as the one in Red Velvet Oreos, and it is a FANTASTIC complement to the new wafer. If you’ve never had it before, it’s probably the most accurate Oreo creme currently on the market. It’s legitimately hard to tell the difference between this and a Betty Crocker cream cheese frosting.
Everything comes together seamlessly, and you’re left thinking of carrot cake or even a carrot cake cheesecake.
Do Carrot Cake Oreos taste exactly like carrot cake? No, keep your pants on. But they’re about as successful as could reasonably be expected from a crunchy sandwich cookie. They will be an Oreo I buy often, and I’m so happy I could cry.
…I will check my mail every day for a $500,000 check from Nabisco.
You’re all welcome.
My Odds of Getting Married: 0 out of 10
My Odds of Getting a Cent from Oreo Rating: GIVE ME MY MONEY DAMMIT out of 10
Overall Rating: 9 out of 10
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Oh, drool! These actually sound and look super appealing! The Oreo bar sounds good, but the 3 foot carrot cake sounds way better.. I want an invite! ?
Thanks for the awesome review, now I have to go hunt these down.
I would also accept the mashed potato bar with crumbled Oreos and carrot cake as toppings. Thanks Jennifer!
Oh, please let me get the second invite to the wedding then. Even if you end up walking down the glamorous Whole Food’s aisle with your runner-up, a Betty Crocker canister of cream cheese frosting, you can still say, “I, Junkbanter, take you,’Double Stuf in girthiness,’ to have and to hold until death do us part…” To Happily Ever After.
Young Betty is not allowed in Whole Foods, only her more original Bertha Glamper.
Amanda… that was beautiful. Let’s get married.
Junk Male, do you mean to tell me that even with all the other sweet gals out there in addition to Betty Crocker–like the Swiss Miss, Marie Callendar, Sara Lee, Mrs. Fields, Little Debbie, and even–Miss Chiquita Banana–you would pick me? What if I am something sinister creeping behind this screen, like a healthy green Granny Smith, or the little Morton’s salt girl that wants to rain down on your sweet tooth–or worse: what if I am whoever that man is known as “Orville Redenbacher?” JK. I’ll settle for a carved out Oreo wafer for a ring and a ride in a Walmart cart afterwards. 😉
Although Michael does have a point…
Welcome back! I too feel passionately about carrot cake. Can’t wait to find these. Hold on to your dreams!! Don’t let anybody talk you out of carrot cake wedding cake and an Oreo bar. So much better than something traditional and boring!
Thanks Marianne! If you haven’t guessed, I don’t know how to do ANYTHING traditional and boring.
I’ll probably like these, but as I eat them I’ll also mourn the loss of my beloved, irreplaceable cinnamon bun oreos. The oreos life cycle is both cruel and beautiful.
Oh, and your review is hilarious, as always!
Thanks Nick! Yeah I’m a little shocked the Cinnamon Bun ones are going away, but I can kind of see how the two cookies hit a lot of the same notes. I think these are better.
That makes me feel a little better – I trust your opinion!
I don’t even care for carrot cake (sissy) and I didn’t mind these. And they certainly didn’t skimp on filling.
But I do agree with your comment reply above – Banana Split or bust!!!