Raise your hand if you eat vanilla frosting straight out of the jar. As I look out towards the audience of nobody reading this, I can only imagine that some people would have raised their hand if they were. It’s not your proudest moment, but you’ve dunked a finger or two into a Betty Crocker Rich & Creamy Vanilla Frosting that you had leftover from the cupcakes that you made for yourself on Valentine’s Day. It’s the same thing we all do with peanut butter, only less socially acceptable. Well, to hell with people judging us! Just kidding… I care very much what everyone thinks about me all the time, so this Buff Bake Birthday Cake could be the solution I’ve been seeking.

Buff Bake Birthday Cake

Buff Bake Birthday Cake (or Buffday Cake for short), is a fancy schmancy protein almond spread that healthy people eat for likes on Instagram. The appeal of the Buff Bake brand lies in the 10+ grams of protein per serving, in addition to having some really fun flavor offerings like Red Velvet, Snickerdoodle, and Pumpkin Spice. Birthday cake is the perfect flavor for them to tackle next. After all, everybody wants to look nice and buff on our birthdays because we’re all trying to get laid over here. Am I right, ladies?

“I wouldn’t sleep with you if my life depended on it.”

Buff Bake Birthday Cake is made with dry roasted almonds, whey protein, coconut palm sugar, white chocolate chips, milk products, and coconut oil. Opening the jar, the scent has a distinct funfetti quality that’s sure to make you salivate. There are no sprinkles or anything colorful – it just looks like regular almond butter. Finger to mouth, my brain went full-steam-ahead to a “vanilla frosting” place! Happy Birthday, right?!

Not quite. Though I feel this is truer to its name than any other flavor in the lineup, Buff Bake Birthday Cake finishes in a really odd place. The aftertaste is that of pure vanilla extract dumped into almond butter, unsweetened and unloved. The more I ate it, the less I liked it. Perhaps cake frosting and almond butter isn’t a perfect marriage after all, because this product is earthy like almond butter but not nearly sweet enough to pass as cake. I commend Buff Bake for really trying to go bold on the birthday cake flavor while still keeping this healthy, but this product just doesn’t work for me.

Since my mid-afternoon snack is always a protein bar with one of several hundred nut butters spread atop it, I wanted to see if Buff Bake Birthday Cake fared better on the greatest Birthday Cake thing ever created: the OhYeah! One Birthday Cake bar.

Any excuse to eat this thing again.

This was not the answer. The OhYeah! ONE bar is plenty sweet, but this vanilla extract aftertaste just wrecked it. I suppose it was a tall-order trying to improve the OhYeah! ONE Birthday Cake bar to begin with, but this tastes like I was following a good cake recipe but confused two teaspoons of vanilla extract with two tablespoons.

I want to give Buff Bake their due – they brought us a hot flavor we all wouldn’t stop asking them for, and this flavor is in the ballpark. The nutritional info is also strong, and I didn’t think it tasted like whey protein dumped into peanut butter. I’m glad I tried it. I was a lot more impressed with what they achieved on my first bite than I was after multiple rounds and multiple applications. Unfortunately, almond butter + cake frosting is not a combination that works in the long run.

I have a feeling birthday cake enthusiasts are going to enjoy this more than I… but I just came off a high from D’s Naturals S’mores Fluffbutter, and Buff Bake Birthday Cake isn’t something I’ll be buying again.

How Likely I Am To Get Laid On My Birthday Rating: 0.5 out of 10
How Likely I Am To Get Laid On Any Other Day Rating: 0 out of 10
Overall Rating: 6 out of 10

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