If you’re doing this whole love thing right, you’re likely with someone who shares your burning love for all things Oreo. After all, you’re a special kind of weirdo who reads junk food blogs when a stranger tells you to on Instagram, and you need someone who understands that a Junk Banter Oreo Review is basically your Game of Thrones.

Seal your fate and have them break up with you in record time by gifting them the newest Oreo for Valentine’s Day.

I have no one. 

Gross!

Nabisco Hot & Spicy Cinnamon Oreos are here to celebrate the Hallmark holiday, and it’s a peculiar choice to say the least. They’re modeled after Red Hots – a candy that some people claim to love, yet nobody actually buys (or eats). Forgive my skepticism, but the combination of cinnamon imperial candy and chocolate sounds really weird to me. Is this the best we can do for Valentine’s Day?

I’m trying to get laid over here!

I read about it, and it sounds nice 🙂 

Hot & Spicy Cinnamon Oreos feature a cinnamon candy creme on the traditional chocolate Oreo wafer. The bright, blood red creme on chocolate cookie conjures nightmares of Swedish Fish Oreos, the actual worst thing I have ever consumed on this site, and that’s probably a big reason why I already consider these the Breath of Satan Oreos.

But oh God… do I hate myself enough that I think these actually smell good?

…I do.

BUT, at least I don’t hate myself enough that I think they taste good… because they don’t.

Now, now… Hot & Spicy Cinnamon Oreos don’t taste as bad as I thought they would. The cinnamon candy creme is quite accurate to its name. It’s not potent enough to be repugnant, but it’s plenty to know that you don’t want to keep eating them, confirming your suspicions that this was, in fact, an awful idea.

I also noticed that the wafers seemed more fragile than usual. With every single one that I ate, the wafers fractured and crumbled like crazy in places they normally don’t, almost as if the the cookies were trying to escape from the fiery depths of Hell in which this flavor was conceived.

I’ll tell you exactly what Hot & Spicy Cinnamon Oreos taste like: like eating just an Oreo wafer (without its vanilla creme) whilst chewing on Big Red gum. You’d have to be some kind of lunatic to enjoy eating Oreos WHILE chewing gum, and an actual psychopath to remove the Oreo’s creme if you were already going down that road.

Some of you are probably saying this is basically a Mexican Hot Chocolate. Spare me. The cocoa-based wafer is more bitter than it is sweet, and the cinnamon creme does have a slight aftertaste that makes the comparison impossible. There’s no vanilla, no nutmeg… just cinnamon candy chemicals.

I can’t even write a scathing review of Hot & Spicy Cinnamon Oreos, because they are EXACTLY what they sound like. If you’re convinced you’re going to like this flavor, you definitely will.

If you’re anyone else? Show some respect for yourself.

And your significant other.

Take ’em to Chilis.

Number of Dates I’ve Taken to Chilis Rating: 1 out of 10
Number of Dates I’ve Ever Had In My Entire Life Rating: 1 out of 10
Overall Rating: 5.5 out of 10

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