I scream, you scream, WE ALL SCREAM WHENEVER THERE’S A NEW M&M’s FLAVOR.

HOLY F*CKING SHIT! 

New Neapolitan M&M’s at Target!

Ice cream-flavored M&M’s isn’t a first for the brand, but this is perhaps a shot at redemption.

Mars released Easter Sundae M&M’s two years ago. They were a REALLY sorry attempt at an ice cream sundae, with just white chocolate and milk chocolate combined and no attempt at any toppings whatsoever… not even the cherry on top. What’s worse, if you weren’t a Christian, consuming them would all-but-certainly disqualify you as a member of that religion, exiling you to Hell or whatever form of Hell you believe in, where they only serve gross Cheesecake M&M’s.

Now, the new Neapolitan M&M’s aren’t even the first Neapolitan M&M’s, as this flavor was previously attempted in Australia. Down Under, the version consisted of three separate flavors: chocolate, vanilla and strawberry, all in milk chocolate form. I pulled a great deal of strings to acquire them (I spent a lot of money on eBay) and found the result to be quite amazing, the vanilla especially.

I only got 50% of my wish there, since this U.S. version is constructed very differently.

Our version of Neapolitan M&M’s features layered chocolates and each piece contains all three flavors – that is, every candy tastes identical, despite three separate colors.

Instantly, I think Australia got it right and we got it wrong.

Combining the chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry flavors feels confused instead of harmonious. At times, I only tasted chocolate. Then strawberry would kick in, but not strong enough to appreciate (I appreciate getting kicked sometimes). It’s difficult to tell if the vanilla is there merely because this has a white chocolate center, or if it was amped up in any additive way. Your brain kind of bounces between the three before ultimately settling at “meh.”

Neapolitan M&M’s could have been much more. The joy of Neapolitan ice cream is switching between the three by choice and not by force. We need to import the vision that Mars Australia had immediately to correct this.

Join me in a final scream aimed at Mars America:

AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE, OI OI OI! 

…but hey, at least you can eat these without fear of going to Hell.

Screaming Things You Barely Understand Rating: 8 out of 10
Risking An Eternity of Torment for Chocolate Rating: 1 out of 10
Overall Rating: 6 out of 10

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