Ok guys. It’s been exactly three days since I reviewed the Hot Cocoa Chips Ahoy! cookies, and my life has completely spiraled out of control since. Those cookies were so good that Hot Chocolate has supplanted every single thing in my life as the primary reason that I should exist. I have been craving Hot Chocolate so intensely that it’s the only macro I’m currently tracking and there isn’t enough of it in the world to satisfy me. I had heard Hot Chocolate M&M’s were out there somewhere, so it was obvious I needed to track them down so I could eat something (anything) that wasn’t those Hot Cocoa Chips Ahoy! cookies.

Limited edition candy hunting is a skill. A pathetic one, but it is a skill. I know exclusivity deals well enough by now to know that if Target was getting exclusive rights to the Cafe Mocha M&M’s (which sucked), that Walmart would have exclusive rights to these Hot Chocolate M&M’s. I also know Walmart’s seasonal aisle quite well, and I’d have to stalk all the Walmarts until one of them cleared the Halloween candy out and replaced it with Christmas candy.

Some stores do it sooner than Halloween, while others wait much longer. It’s pretty random and incredibly frustrating. Long story short, I checked six Walmarts over the weekend. No exaggeration. The closest thing I found was a cleared out Halloween section with UPC codes awaiting the eventual merchandise:

I found them Monday morning at the Walmart right next to my office, negating all of my effort this weekend. The lengths I will go to get us maybe one or two additional Instagram followers is unparalleled in this industry (what industry?)

The lesson here is this: I am dumb and don’t ever listen to me.

Anyway, here’s your stupid Hot Chocolate M&M’s.

Now that I only eat Hot Chocolate, I was pretty excited to try these. But I had to temper my expectations after the previous disappointments of Cafe Mocha and Pecan Pie M&M’s. Hot Chocolate M&M’s are made with both milk chocolate and dark chocolate, though, which I believe is the first time Mars has gone this route. Would it work?

Oh, THANK GOD. I am proud to announce to you guys (blog to nobody) that these Hot Chocolate M&M’s do taste like hot cocoa and not just any other M&M.

Remarkably, they nailed the dark chocolate flavor while still making these preposterously creamy. The creamy mouthfeel is something you might expect out of milk chocolate, but not dark chocolate. The flavor is a great balance of bitter dark chocolate, cream, and sugar. This creamy element is part of what make these Hot Chocolate M&Ms feel enough like the beverage after which they were designed.

The best part – the back end is a huge blast of marshmallow. Heck yeah it’s artificial, but so are mini marshmallows. The aftertaste lingers with more sweetness than you might desire, but these are just all sorts of fun regardless.

Hot Chocolate M&M’s are one of my favorite limited edition M&M ever released. I am happy to welcome more Hot Chocolate into my life, because it’s the only thing keeping me alive this week. Maybe I will be able to survive nine months without pumpkin spice after all, thanks to Hot Chocolate Everything.

How Rude that Emoji Was for Flipping Me Off Rating: 10 out of 10
How Many New Followers This Will Get Us On Instagram Rating: 0 out of 10
Overall Rating: 8 out of 10