REVIEW: General Mills Holiday Sprinkle Cookie Crisp

As you may recall if you read our blog (nope), I’m really passionate about my holiday themed breakfast cereals. Needless to say, I picked up Holiday Sprinkles Cookie Crisp, but I had a slightly different reaction when I saw the box art.

General Mills Holiday Sprinkles Cookie Crisp

General Mills Holiday Sprinkles Cookie Crisp

My first thought was: “Welp, that’s what you get for inviting a feral wolf into your home on Christmas morning.”

My next thought was: “When the hell did the Cookie Crisp mascot turn into a wolf?”

I admit I haven’t checked in on Cookie Crisp in some time. If you’re on the wrong side of 30 like me, you may remember some different marketing for Cookie Crisp from back in the day. The average age of my audience is… whatever the average age of the world’s population is, since nobody reads my blog. But I would like to revisit some of the former mascots and find out what the hell happened to the Cookie Crook.

My guess is the wolf ate him.

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The original Cookie Crisp mascot was Cookie Jarvis, a wizard who would wave his cookie wand to turn bowls of cereal into cookie jars. He would chant “You can’t have cookies for breakfast” (false), “but you can have Cookie Crisp!” Eventually, an anti-hero named The Cookie Crook supplanted Cookie Jarvis as the official mascot. The Cookie Crook would victimize children by attempting to steal their bowls of Cookie Crisp, amidst the defenses of Officer Crumb, a friendly police offer who initially sucked at thwarting The Cookie Crook but eventually got the hang of it.

The Cookie Crook later adopted a sidekick named Chip the Dog who would howl “Coo-oooooooooookie Crisp!” right before Officer Crumb prevented he and the Cookie Crook from getting to the cereal. Because dogs are awesome, Chip the Dog became the official mascot for some time after. The Cookie Crook and Office Crumb inexplicably disappeared.

One day Chip had a change of heart and became a friendly dog that offered Cookie Crisp to children . This didn’t last long. Somewhere around 2005, Chip got fed up, gained an attitude, and evolved into a wolf.

Chip the Wolf is a mega-asshole and tries to steal Cookie Crisp from everyone, but is too clumsy to be successful.

If any of this interests you, watch this YouTube video to see the evolution of the mascots through the years and then maybe go get a life.

Holiday Sprinkles Cookie Crisp

Chip the Wolf is already trying to ruin Christmas by getting to my Holiday Sprinkles Cookie Crisp before me. Game on, Chip.

Holiday Sprinkles Cookie Crisp is a whole grain, cookie-shaped corn cereal that have little red and green sprinkles on their surface. Eaten dry, they’re puffy and airy with a mighty fine crunch. They’re not that sweet and they have a very understated butter cookie flavor to them. There’s arguably a dash of vanilla flavor, but really that’s about it. It’s a little bit Cap’n Crunch, a little bit Corn Pops, and a little like gnawing on a piece of cardboard.

Maybe milk will unlock the Christmas?

Holiday Sprinkles Cookie Crisp

 

Haha, nope. Not at all. The milk made it worse. Holiday Sprinkles Cookie Crisp gets soggy quickly and whatever holiday cookie vibe was present before dissipates entirely. This is basically Soggy Christmas, and all of your presents were just socks. General Mills, please bring back Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch. Like, yesterday.

As for Holiday Sprinkles Cookie Crisp? I say let Chip the Wolf have it. Or better yet, I’ll donate mine to the Cookie Crook.

Mr. Crook, please write us at junkbanter@gmail.com to finally get your hands on a bowl of Cookie Crisp.

I’m sorry it’s the shitty one.

How Much Of My Ass I Put Into That Cereal Mascot Research Rating: 10 out of 10
How Much Of It You Actually Read Rating: 0 out of 10
Overall Rating: 5.5 out of 10

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3 Responses

  1. Marc P says:

    Not only do I feel violated that Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch is not coming back – was it too good to put back out? NO LOGIC. In addition, if I recall, those boxes had some of the most endearingly disturbing mascots of odd crunch squares.

    • Junk Male says:

      I actually discovered the reason it didn’t come back but I swore not to say. There is at least HOPE that it could return next year. I am just relieved that it wasn’t poor sales, otherwise the American consumer would be my greatest enemy right now.

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